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Question
Posted by: puzzled | 2005/11/28

Mother-in-law delays lobola preparations

Hi beautiful people. You see, my situation is stessful. My man in 32 and I'm 29. When we met I had my own place and a car and he was still staying at home and using taxis, that was more than 2 years ago. He works pretty well and earns R3000 more (than me). He then moved in with me. He is the only child and never knew his father. So you get it, it has always been mommy and I. Now the problem is: he indicated to mommy that he wants to get married in Dec. He even spoke to my father (informally) and told him that the date was 17 Dec. Now, mommy is hitting the roof. We've never been best of friends and I must admit I have this "go-to-hell" attitude. I never called her or bought her a gift. Now she is blocking uncles and everyone to go pay lobola. So, my partner is now saying that he can get one of his friends to go pay the lobola since mommy dearest is running nuts. Help guys, maybe this is just adding fuel to fire.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi puzzled,
I hope some of our other readers can suggest some useful responses to this situation. Maybe if you had shown a slightly less "go to hell attitude to Mommy Dearest, she wouldn't be making so much unnecessary trouble now ? Maybe it's not too late for you to still, without going overboard, be a bit more friendly to her and see what can be sorted out ? It could be understandable that she is alarmed and trying to put on the brakes, if she sees her dear son marrying someone she doesn't know and who she feels has never shown her respect ? Maybe some tact and a bit of politeness, even a spot of flattery, now, would save a lott of extra trouble and expense ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: ABC | 2005/11/28

But why do we always have to put up with their behaviours( mother-inlaws) why it should always be us that goes down on our knees why can't it be the other way round sometimes, they are the ones that pushes us to the go to hell attitude. But het Makoti you have to nice to her or at least try coz you know with these husbands of ours they are very soft when it comes to their mommys and there's nothing you can say about it otherwise he''l try and please his mommy than you. So rather just try as much as you possibly can to be nice and loving to her and eventuallly she love you back and when she pushes you away just come closer until she realises that you are not here to fight but to love his son and support her as well,

wISHING YOU ALL THE LUCK

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