Our expert says:
Tell the school, headmaster and teachers that they must NEVER give any information to her or have any conversations with her, without express permission from you or your husband - grandparents cant assume and exercise parental rights and privileges. Her drama and crying should be ignored, with her being told that such manipulation is not acceptable, just as her attempts to be mother to the child and to supplant the father, is unacceptable.
Also, let's look at why she may be doing all these irritating things. It sounds as though she had no life of her own, no other source of feeling good about herself, except by bossing people around and running the kids life. And disrespecting the father in front of his child is entirely unacceptable.
Discuss this with your husband, who sounds like this upsets him too, but he lacks the confidence and assertiveness to handle it, and he may need as well as deserve, your support in planning and carrying out a common approach to her.
You don't mention whether she has a husband alive, or other children to pester, but if there are others, involve them too, in a common and shared approach. Find her some more wholesome hobbies !
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