Posted by: amy | 2007/07/18

mother in law

Hi there CS,
I have always had a poor relationship with my mother in law, however I always tried my best to keep the peace, Im always polite, help whenever I can and so on( even though its stiffled)A month ago my father in law died of a heart attack, (they lived in separate provinces) and ever since then, my husband spends most of his evenings with her. they have a close relationship, and i suppose im jealous of the quantity and (even more the quality) of time that he spends there. I sent her flowers on the one month anniversary of her husbands death, but to this day have'nt received a thank you. Its difficult to explain to you how I feel towards her, and even more difficult to explain to my husband. how do I approach this whole situation. I feel he is becoming a real mommy's boy.

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Our expert says:
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As you recognize, there's a difference between keeping the peace and being polite and even cordial, and "having a good relationship and being pals. However, it's been only a month, and surely it's understandable and acceptable that your husband feels it necessary to spend more time with his mother --- you don't know the depths of how he feels about the death of his father, or how she feels.
Some MIL's are nasty, some are not. I can't see anything wrong at all in what she is doing, from your decription, nor in what he is doing. Be patient and understanding of grief and bereavement

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Our users say:
Posted by: J | 2007/07/20

My advice. Focus on your relationship with your husband. Make sure it is watertight. Nothing she can say or do will change that. That is the worst you can do to a beatch of a monster-in-law cause that is ultimately what she doesn't want!!!

Reply to J
Posted by: hmmm | 2007/07/19

I think you are a very insensitive person. the woman lost her husband and you expect her to be all cheerful???? tell me did you hand deliver the flowers? and do you know how much she need company of a loved one? she is probably on her own and you are jealous? he sleeps with you every night and you are still ungreatful. Bear in mind that some day your husband will be gone and only then will you understand how she feels. For future reference - you should learn to put yourself in other people's shoes!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to hmmm
Posted by: Oprah | 2007/07/18

Amy - I know what u r goin thru cos I'm in da same boat as u. Luckily 4 me my MIL resides in Bryanston n we r in PTA. We had a disagreement 4 months ago cos I had enough of keeping quiet n told her exactly how I felt bout her n her "happy family". Did not go down well with her n hubby n me left on a bad note. I told him I will not keep him nor da baby away from his mom but he must neva expect me 2 put a foot near his fam again. It is absolute bliss 4 me ... cos I am tired of feeling that I will neva live up to their expectations.

I thought of bying her a broom 4 her b/day cos she's a real witch. LOL

Just be strong n do not make n issue bout u;r hubby going 2 her cos he is probably consoling (spelling?) her, Hopefully it will go better in da future?

Reply to Oprah
Posted by: Joey | 2007/07/18

I'm also taking great lessons from my mother in law on how not to be a mother in law. I am also "blessed" with a real bitch of a one and I have no solution for your problem but the realtionship I had with mine was exactly as you have with your's except when she moved in with us it became so much worse and now I have to live with it every day. She is making my life miserable and unbearable. Good luck

Reply to Joey
Posted by: Sunflower | 2007/07/18

I hope that one day when my son grows up and meets someone that really makes him happy I will react different, mother-in-laws are Biaches!

Reply to Sunflower

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