Posted by: Ansi | 2007/02/28

Mother-in law

I just need an honest opinion, what do you guys think of mother in laws? I had a good relationship with my mom-in law before we got married. Whenever I fight with my hubby (boyfriend then) she use to interfere a lot and make sense to him. I even remember the last time before we got married she promised that she will protect me. If I fight with my hubby I musnt tell my mom I should report to he, she will deal with himr. Three months after marriage we had our first arguement and I called my mom in law and told her. She promised to call my hubby, apparently she never phoned let alone to check up on me. I phoned her again b'coz there was a lot of tension in the house and still she never called. I then phoned my mom, she spoke to my hubby and the conflict was solved. My hubby phoned his mom, and the were charting about other things that affect the family. Believe me or not she never even uttered a single word about my phone call and our conflict. From that very same moment I promised myself not to tell her anything that's affecting me in our lives because Im gonna look like a fool. Two hours after she spoke to my husband she then buzzed. I told myself that Im not gonna call her. I know she wants to tell me about her other daughter in law that was involved in a scandal cause that's what he was telling my hubby. Do you think Im being selfish if I dont call? I told my hubby also that I wont call her b'coz of her dishonesty.

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Posted by: Gracie | 2007/02/28

The worst thing anyone could do is involve their in-laws in their problems. Sort out your own fights - remember blood is thicker than water - they will NEVER take your side, no matter what your MIL says! My in-laws refer to me as their "bitch daughter-in-law from hell" as I do not allow them to interfere in any aspect of my marriage - they did before and I chased them away from my home. My husband and I almost got a divorce because of their constant interference. My husband's family never want to hear anything wrong about each other! They are always right - according to them! I however stand up for what I believe in and I will speak my mind if necessary. Don't allow them to get involved - the less they know about you the better! They do not need to know when you fight - sort out your problems on your own, you don't need your mom or mom-in-law to help you. Once again you are making a big mistake by letting your MIL know what's going on in your life - she probably thrives on hearing that there is friction between you and your hubby! They just love it when there are problems - they have this "I told you so" attitude when they hear about problems! My mom-in-law is not such a bad person, but my father-in-law is a real asshole and a creep - always gossiping around corners with my husband and his other sons - always insinuating that his daughters-in-law are "flirting" with other men etc. He is a real old fart and I dislike him immensely and I really enjoy the fact that he cannot come between my husband and I anymore!! Good luck and keep your probs to yourself!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: RMC | 2007/02/28

And I would NEVER EVER speak to my MIL about anything, she even makes up lies and tells people that my husband abuses the children and me --- evil blerrie thing her!

ANd yes whoooz, I know what you mean. I used to call them out laws until I realised out laws are actually WANTED ......

Reply to RMC
Posted by: Ansi | 2007/02/28

Thnx guys, at least now I know the honest truth about in-laws. Anyway I also made a vow not to rush to her for solutions of which she was the one who said if the situation its difficult for me to handle, I should turn to her. Thank you so much.

Reply to Ansi
Posted by: Whooz | 2007/02/28

Hate is such a strong word, but not strong enough to describe the feelings I have towards my husbands mother. The Devil is nicer and more honest then her.... my husband respects my feelings and understand why I feel this way towards his mother. She brings it unto herself. There is my opinion.

Reply to Whooz
Posted by: RMC | 2007/02/28

The fights you and your husband have - have nothing to do with your mom, his mom or anyone else. Were you expecting your MIL to take your side? Cuz I tell you somethihng, no matter how or what they say -- they will never gang up against their son. The only time it should go to a third party is if you see a counsellor or something and they will provide an impartial opinion, even if one of you is right or wrong.

And NEVER be negative about each other in front of them. I can be really bad or wrong - but my husband will defend me in front of his family and when we are alone he will tell me if he thought I was wrong!

Oh and yes -- don't get involved in family gossip about each other. Beacuse if she is telling you about some one else and you are listening you are allowing it. And if she is talking about them to you --- what is she saying to them about you?

My SIL had her husband leave her as whenever they fought she would run to mommy and complain and the poor husband could never do anything right. It eventually broke him.

Reply to RMC
Posted by: TC | 2007/02/28

Why are you relying on your mom and mother-in-law to solve your problems? In stead of talking to them, try to talk to your husband. The worst mistake you cn ever make in your life, is to make mom-in-law an enemy as hubby is her child and she will always put his needs first. Maybe she does not like the fact that you are negative about her son. Suggestion. Try to solve your problems first with hubby before running to mom or inlaw. If hat does not work, try to communicate with your mom in law about her son in a positive way, and always try to convince her that he is the best thing in your life. She maybe did not want to take the matter up with him as she might disagree with you and agree wiht him and she does not want to cause any more tention between the two of you. Love her and respect her viewpoints as you are stuck with her for the duration of your marriage

Reply to TC

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