Posted by: Belinda | 2012/11/16



Me and my mom we have not been closed as far as i can remember. I was raised by my grandmother while my mom was just busy enjoying life with friends. I only lived with her permanently during my high-years. I have a younger brother whom i basically had to take-care of him most of his life, even now he is living with me still a student because he also doesn''t want to stay with mom due to the lack of relationship between the two.

Am now 30 and had a baby this year, my mom asked me to come and stay at her house as assist me with the baby, i thought that would give us a chance to build a relationship between us. But all still failed. Because she spread rumours expressing to family members on how disappointment that i had a child out of marriage and how all my cousins are married. She was expecting a lot from me.

One of my Aunties called me, trying to give me the same grief as my mom did, telling me how my mom and her were expecting me to have a big white wedding like the rest that my child will be a shame to the family.(strange part is that both of them had 2 kids without marriage). I confronted her about the news and she tried to deny it all and i told her that what disappointed me is for her not to express her feelings/view with me but to go behind my back was just plain immature and un-mother-like.

Am doing well for myself in life, i have my own place, 2cars, steady job, more than capable to take-care of my child and my brother, but yet not once did she say how proud she is of what i have done with my life. She has no right to judge or expect much out of my life.

So i decided to pack my bags and go back to my place with my baby for some peace of mind. I really thought that my baby will give us a chance to build mother daughter relationship but i guess i was wrong.

Now she tells me that am overreacting, because my boy is now 6 months and my mom is expecting me to bring my baby for a visit every weekend, i told her i NO... even today mom doesn''t know where i stay, she never made effort to know or ask. All the things i endured from wrong up fast to been the woman i am today used to hurt but her actions don''t hurt me anymore. I just wanna protect my boy and give him the love that i never had.

Am i expected to let my son to have a relationship with his grandmother or would i be doing wrong keep him away from her.

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Our expert says:
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Considering how thoroughly your mother seems to have lived a purely selfish life devoted to her own pleasures, and to have neglected the needs of her own children, she has no authority whatever to comment on your way of life.
Tell your Auntie not to interfere, but rather to look more closely at howm thoroughly your mother neglected her children. There is no virtue in getting married but then leaving your children to other people to care for. And ask her to explain why your having a child while single is such a great disgrace to the family, while apparently it was no shame to them when she and your mother did exactly the same thing ? Especially as you are at least loving and caring for your own child.
Congratulations on how well you have managed your life under very difficult circumstances. There is no point in visiting her with your child - presumably she wants this to happen just so she can brag to othwer people about how good she is to you and your child.
You are entirely justifiable in continuing to care well for your son, and to ignore the twisted and unmotherly woman who now wants to interfere. I cant think of any way in which the child could benefit from exposure to this woman. The boy has been blessed in having you as a mother.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Belinda | 2012/11/16

thank you so much (two-stone), Its hard not to miss on your childhood because you have to grow up so fast to be a parent to my brother.

My baby was admitted to hospital for few days, 3 months ago, my mom is working a building next-door to to the hospital, 1st day she came to check on us, 2nd day she just called, 3rd day she just sms. It was so painful for me been 1st time mom and not having the support from her as she claims she cares about the boy, but luckily i have good friends whom we treat each other as a family they were the 1s who came to check on me and the baby twice a day. I dont know where would i got my strength.

I just wana give my son the best in life and my brother will be graduating next year, God has blessed us.

Reply to Belinda
Posted by: Purple | 2012/11/16

You''re feeling hurt because your mother doesn''t recognise the success you have become despite her negligent parenting.

Would your son benefit in any way from knowing his grandmother? Sounds like she can''t add anything positive to the relationship.

perhaps living near you is an older person who would enjoy getting to know a young baby and building a relationship with him - perhaps her family have emigrated. That way your son benefits from the wisdom and special patience of an older person (hint - find a patient person) and this person gets to enjoy seeing a young child grow up and some social time with you. Just an idea.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: two-stone | 2012/11/16

I don''t even know you, but I am proud of you!! Well done for getting your life together even without your Mother''s support. I have 3 grown-up kids and I wish your Mom could wake up and see hwta she is missing by her " un-involvement" . Keep being who you are - remember it is for you and your child..... All the best!

Reply to two-stone

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