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Question
Posted by: Pink | 2010/04/13

Mother

Please help. My mother came to live with me after her varicose operation in December without telling me she’ s about to separate from her husband.
I only found out afterwards by then she was already staying with me and I could not tell her to leave as she was staying with her husband and he wanted the divorce.
Now she’ s becoming 100% my responsibility where I’ m a single mother with a teenager and a 3yr old son whom I have to take care off. She gets angry if the kids wants to watch something other than her programs on television. She insist on taking lunch for her friend at work on a daily basis and only contribute R300.00 a month towards household expenses. If I have a talk with her or put my foot down she either have a pain on her hart and I have to rush her to the emergency unit leaving my 3 year old son with my teenage daughter just to find out that there is nothing seriously wrong with her or she lies in bed for days being sick and refuse to go see n doctor.
When do I know if she is really sick and when do I ignore her?
Please help how far is my reasonability suppose to go towards my mom? She’ s 59 and full time employed according to her she cannot afford a place of her own and therefore cannot move out.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

HMm, awkward. Sounds like she may have felt desperate about the divorce, and was scared of finding herself out on the street ? But if she is to stay with you you must speak firmly but plesantly and make it clear that so long as she stays in your place and at your expense ( and you can ill afford it ) she must work by YOUR rules - and you and your kids watch whatever you wish on YOUR TV. And you do not pay for lunch for a friend of hers at work. If she's going to work still, she must have an income, and could surely afford more than R300 a month towards expenses ? And she should see a lawyer to see if she can claim any controbution from her husband.
And tell her in advance, that you will not be distracted or change your mind if she complains of a pain in her heart. What have the doctors said about her heart ?
And tell her if she chooses to lie in bed complaining of being "sick" but without a doctor's certificate, this is the equivalent of her going on strike, and is not acceptable. You will not allow her to ignore what she is imposing on you.
At 69 and with a gulltime job, she CAN aford to get a place of her own - maybe she can share with the friend at work she takes lunch to.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/13

HMm, awkward. Sounds like she may have felt desperate about the divorce, and was scared of finding herself out on the street ? But if she is to stay with you you must speak firmly but plesantly and make it clear that so long as she stays in your place and at your expense ( and you can ill afford it ) she must work by YOUR rules - and you and your kids watch whatever you wish on YOUR TV. And you do not pay for lunch for a friend of hers at work. If she's going to work still, she must have an income, and could surely afford more than R300 a month towards expenses ? And she should see a lawyer to see if she can claim any controbution from her husband.
And tell her in advance, that you will not be distracted or change your mind if she complains of a pain in her heart. What have the doctors said about her heart ?
And tell her if she chooses to lie in bed complaining of being "sick" but without a doctor's certificate, this is the equivalent of her going on strike, and is not acceptable. You will not allow her to ignore what she is imposing on you.
At 69 and with a gulltime job, she CAN aford to get a place of her own - maybe she can share with the friend at work she takes lunch to.

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