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Posted by: Pleb | 2008/06/11

MOTHER

GOOD EVENING

MY MOTHER WAS INVITED TO MOVE IN WITH ME A FEW YEARS AGO - SHE IS 78 AND I AM 52.

I HAS GENERALLY BEEN A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE , HOWEVER OVER THE LAST YEAR OR SO I HAVE NOTICED THAT SHE NEVER EVER STOPS TALKING AND IT IS USUALLY NOT POSITIVE OR INTERESTING. IF SHE IS NOT TALKING SHE IS SINGING.

I DON'T SEEM TO GET A WORD IN AND IT BECOMES RATHER FRUSTRATING AND WEARING.

MY COPING MECHANISM IS TO IGNORE HER

PLEASE COULD YOU SHED SOME LIGHT ON THIS

MANY THANKS

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Lin makes good sense --- is there a possibility of someone else sharing her care even for a week or two to give you a break ?
I know the phenomenon you refer to, and haven't seen anyone explain it well ; but I've been seeing it in my old mom, who has a rapidly deteriorating vascular dementia ; and some degre of dementia may be part of the problem. Its as if they feel lonely, even in your company, and fill the space and time with chatter which may have no particular meaning. She may sing even if not remembering the words or melody, and at 3 am it is less than delightful ! And I haven't seen any good advice for dealing with it, either, apart from perhaps an Ipod or something similar, to fill your hearing with music and reduce the extent to which her sounds dominate. Sometimes having a chat with her with you choosing the topic helps to focus her and encourage her to stay focussed.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pleb | 2008/06/12

Many thanks to all and in particular to the cybershrink.
All your comments make a great deal of sense and i have explored all of these before to varying degrees of success

teh comforting thing is that many of these phnomena are inexplicable.
I do indeed have conversations with her but as mentioned in desperation ignore her when it gets too much.

i do love her dearly and have been advised before that old people develop insecurities and therefore, to compensate, talk incessantly.
I also think it is a certain type loneliness she experiences
I did spend a holiday recently with her as i could not bring myself to leave them at home - it was most enjoyable!!

i will will most certainly take these comments you have kindly made and try to listen and discuss more.

my grateful thanks to all

Reply to Pleb
Posted by: Zola | 2008/06/12

My mom passed away when I was young. I never got the chance to take care of her and spoil her a bit and I wish so much that I had the chance. Maybe I don't know what I am talking about coz I have never experienced it, but I don't think talking (or smoking) would be something I would complain about. It's just old age man. Old people do a lot of strange things.

Reply to Zola
Posted by: Gentle Voice Of Reason (GVOR) | 2008/06/12

Maybe Im missing something, but whats wrong with your Mom talking and singing? If its not positive just ask her nicely Ma, why are you being so negative lately? It might be that she noticed youre ignoring her so she feels she needs to be radical by saying negative things to get your attention. Dont ignore her, sit and have a conversation with her and find out whats going on in her mind. She is 78 after all, maybe she is starting to have fears or anxieties about old age and life in general, hence the negativity, and ignoring an elderly person with legitimate fears of getting older and the prospect of leaving loved ones behind, well that's just plain insensitive from your side as a child. I just hope you don't regret the day that you never hear her talking and singing in your house again, then she'll be forever gone and nothing will bring back the sound of her voice. Appreciate your Mom while she is still alive and in your life, so let her talk for crying out loud!! Whats wrong with us, we complain about every little thing! Makes me soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo maaaaaaaaaaad

Reply to Gentle Voice Of Reason (GVOR)
Posted by: Lin | 2008/06/12

Maybe you need a break from each other? Do you have any siblings she could go visit for a month or so?
Most of the time one gets stressed and then even the littlest thing can become irritating. I vacation without her would do you good.

Reply to Lin

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