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Question
Posted by: confused | 2010/07/23

Money management problems in a relationship

Eish guys i hope you can help. I have this challenge with my gf - money management. there was a time she was not working and i helped out and now she is working. She is great person and as is the case with most woman she is improving her life, bought a house and is working on it. my biggest challenge is that she spends all her money on her projects and leave no room for us, i mean i still must pay for her transport when she visit, - yet i also visit at my own expense. recently she told me she was broke and could not visit so i paid for transport and the next thing she buys couches - cash. After that she is broke again i paid and then she buys tiles again cash.......the thing is i am appearing to be jelous of her success when in fact i support what she does however i cannot be the only one who still seems to care about us.......................she believes i have issues,,,,,,,for the record i encouraged her to buy a house. This reason this is becoming an issue is i tried ignoring it and this week she called me to say she needs to visit me to assist with assignments but she is broke....and i should help and she will pay me back......she said she was broke last week and yet managed to spent 5000 on music system. at the risk of sounding jelous , i''m i wrong to expect my gf to pay her own transport?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like she needs to discuss this qwith you, as it isn't fair for you to support all the costs of the relationship now she's working, as you did when you helped her out when she was not working. Maybe the next few times she declares herself to be broke, you could say "Me too !" and see how she reacts. Some of her expenditure may be really necessary - new couches and tiles, and a music system, are luxuries.
She is in fact right now using you, and insulting you by assuming you wont work this out for yourself. You really need to sit down and tak this through with her.

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2010/07/23

I don''t think you are being jealous at all. I htink it sounds as if she is maybe using you and maybe also doesn''t know how to manage money. It doesn''t seem as if she has much respect for you because she openly buys these expensive items while pleading poverty with you. Does she think you won''t figure it out or what?
I''d say you really need ot sit down and have a good chat with her about where she thinks your relationship is going to!

Reply to anon
Posted by: Maria | 2010/07/23

It sounds like she is using you. Have you talked to her about it?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/23

Sounds like she needs to discuss this qwith you, as it isn't fair for you to support all the costs of the relationship now she's working, as you did when you helped her out when she was not working. Maybe the next few times she declares herself to be broke, you could say "Me too !" and see how she reacts. Some of her expenditure may be really necessary - new couches and tiles, and a music system, are luxuries.
She is in fact right now using you, and insulting you by assuming you wont work this out for yourself. You really need to sit down and tak this through with her.

Reply to cybershrink

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