Posted by: ? | 2003/12/11


Hi Doc
I met the most wonderful man 3 months ago and we decided to commit to each other. However, he has money issues and is on the ITC. Money is not that important to me, but when I have to pay for things when we go out just so that we can have some fun, it becomes a problem. I was fine with this before we started going out, but now it is becoming an issue and I am starting to get resentful. How do I get around this problem - I dont want to loose him!

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Our expert says:
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You know, /, one thing that puzzles me lately is how brilliantly the media have brainwahsed so many SA's, into thinking that they HAve to GO OUT in order to have fun. Sure, some forms of going out can be fun --- but so can some ways of staying home ! And yet so many people talk as if clubbing, dancing and eating/drinking out is an absolutely essential and unavoidable expenditure, something that has to be guaranteed by basic Human Rights laws.
Too often, people keep on "going out" because they actually don't like each other much, and its an excellent excuse for not actually spending quality time together. You may both arrive at the Club and leave together, but who manages a conversation of afectionate time together, while there ?
He could explore part-time jobs and other ways of earning money for your mutual security, if NOT going out. But if the disparity in financial status is annoying you, especially if he isn't really trying to improve his end, this relatonship may be one in which it becomes increasingly hard to maintain that sense of mutual committment you at first seemed to share.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ec | 2003/12/11

Please do yourself a BIG favour and find someone else to have fun with - your wonderful mans' money problems will be yours! When he sorts out his problems (if ever!) give yourselves another chance.
Good luck!

Reply to ec

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