Posted by: Maggie | 2009/07/21

Mommy' s boy

Hi Doc, my husband of 5 years is a real mommys boy. He has to go out at this time every night to pick her up from work (even though she' s over 50, has her drivers licence and more than enough money to buy a car). If he doesn' t visit her on Sundays she gets annoyed. If he does anything with me or my family she gets annoyed. She hates my guts. I haven' t been to her house in over 2 years. The other day he put my mags on his car and he says his mother was so angry. What can I do? My husband thinks I' m being stupid and he gets mad at me when I try talk to him.

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Our expert says:
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Presumably he has been thus for the whole 5 years, and beyond. Presumably it's the rigidity of their routine that's getting increasingly annoying for you. He has allowed her to learn to expect these indulgences, and to feel cheated when they don't occur. For some mothers, no other woman would ever be good enough for her son, not even Mother Theresa. And even if he is good-willed and willing, changing habits in which he has been trained for a lifetime is awfully hard. Discuss i and make sure you both understand what is happening, limit contact with her, and when you do meet her, be polite and pleasant, and show no sign that she is bothering you ( that would be the response most frusrating for her ).

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Our users say:
Posted by: Reese | 2009/07/22

Oh Maggie. I so know about this too. I have not been to my MIL in over a year and I dont feel guilty. I' ve been married for 4 years and she just feels so comfortable to insult me all the time and I must just smile. My husband witnessed this on many occassions and had numerous arguments all the time but I remain the devil. I' ve eventually made peace with the fact that he will not put his foot down as we went through 2 seperation because of her. When I see her at family occasion the bitterness shows on her face that she cannot take it that I dont care anymore. No matter what she used to say I always acted in a respectful way and now I am so happy without her in my life. My husband is like her personal robot. She will program him in whatever and it would work. I am even at this stage that I dont even fear losing him. I can say this to you. No matter how hard you try, he will never listen to you so try and do little things that you help YOU cope okay? staying away from her is a start! its tough I know. GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND!

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