Posted by: katie | 2006/11/02

Mom's and their Son's

Please can ANYONE tell me why Mothers are soo possessive of their sons?

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Posted by: Momof3 | 2006/11/04

That is wonderful sideways.I as a mom of 3 boys really understands what you are saying.Out of my 3 sons,ok the youngest is only12 ,so the other 2 are really helpfull but when there girlfriends are around I dont expect them to do this to help me then but it is nice to know that when there day is away on business or he is not around thatI know I dont have to worry too much.They will be there for me.

Perhpas you can sit down with your Mom now,seeing that you dont have a girlfriend at the moment and tell her that sometimes she does things which she does not realise that makes it difficult for you and ant girlfreind that you bring home.
Ask her if you can have a signal between the two of you that if she becomes over powering or does something that will cause a problem that you can give the sign and she would then know ,ok back off or thats not the write thing to her and guide her might e better.

I am sure your Mom would rather do that than loose you because of something she said or did not say.

They always say,look at how a guy treats his mother,because that is how you will be treated someday.

Reply to Momof3
Posted by: sideways | 2006/11/03

I'm Italian, 28 years old, my mothwer is sacred to me, i adore her, i would do anything for her, and in fact am constantly running around trying to make her happy and support her. I live on my own but am often by my mom as she is super attached to me, she is super loving, but it is a bit much, and she always struggles with my girlfriends. She makes my life difficult without even realising it. She simply can't see how jealous she becomes and how irrational she can be. she demnads even more of me and my time and yet God knows I give her 95% of it. It' so difficult though because from birth I have been raised to love my mother, to respect her completely, support her and always be there for her. She has always been there for me, she adores me and I am the primary male in her life as my dad has always worked away and still does. As a son I try my best and do feel responsible for her and thus when she becomes jealous about my girlfriends I always have to fight with her and it leaves me feeling terrible and almost desperate as I can't please everyone. God it's difficult. Luckily at the moment I am single. The irony of this all is that it is in this relationship with my mother that I have learnt infinite respect and appreciation for woman. My loyalty to her is definitely the same loyalty I show any girl I fall in love with.

Reply to sideways
Posted by: girl | 2006/11/03

when ur with a mommy's boy... make sure he knows ure not his mommy :)
when my husband didn't get up with the alarm i didn't wake him up every 5 mins like his mom did. i did it once and allowed him to see he's getting late, lol evil but it showed him he needs to grow up and be responsible, a woman will not be waiting hand and foot on him.
also, tell him he has some chores to do and don't do them. they usually expect a noddy badge for remembering little things like throwing the dirt out.. lol men will always be boys, its endearing but can be terrible if its overdone!

Reply to girl
Posted by: Momof3 | 2006/11/02

It was actually katie who asked the question.
Hi katie.I am a Mom with 3 sons.I think it is because we love our boys so much as grils love there fathers.It has always been that way.My eldest son is 20 and working. He had a very good friend and they dated for awhile then it cooled off.Now he just has friends.The 2nd son 18 has lots of friends including male and female and we were very surprised when her parents allowed him to sleep over at there house.That just did not happen when we we younger.I did explain to him that she could sleep over,which was never an option before.So we had to change as her parents allowed it,But in seperate rooms and no sneaking around at night.They know that and respect that.
It is differrent when the boys are younger but as they grow up you as a parent have to start letting go.It hurts but i would not want fighting or them to feel they should stay away .I feel if there is a problem or if something is said that is hurtful dont tell the son to tell her.You should say it directly and if you as the daughter in law (gf) does not have much status then.,what to say something then say it and both parties can work on it.I had a problem with my mother in law and I told her straight this is how it is if you dont like it tough,this is my house.If you want to come visit great but you cant stop somebody else(my black sister in law) from visting us and I wont chase her away-she is married to my husbands ,brother. We never had a problem over that again.

At 1st though that is a little difficult but the boys mom is everything to them and has been for years so it takes time for him and the mom to change direction.It is a gradual thing.Most moms think that that girl is not good enough, when you are just perfect.I will try and leave it all up to my boys and try and be as accepting of the woman they choose.sometimes it does happen that the girl is not the write one for them but they should find it out for themselves.

Just be pasient with his mom,it is a big ajustment for her too.Her little boy(no matter how old) is finding his own feet.She wants to tell him,look out for this ,look out for gold diggers etc.this one will walk on you and hurt you.But we cant.Some moms do.They will eventually get used to you being around and seeing that you care for her son they way that she does.then it will be better.
Good Luck.

Reply to Momof3
Posted by: Britty | 2006/11/02

Dear Katie - its a universal fact that women are possessive over their sons and I've learned to live with it. As for Pora well my my greek mother-in-law was anti me as a gf and wife - she tried her best to get a "greek" gf for my husband and then when we married she kept on telling me that greek women made the best wives in front of my husband - the third time she told me that I politely told her I was tired of hearing it. But over time we managed to rub along okay - one has to be strong and firm. It was just before her death that she told me she was proud of me!!! After she died her husband and family told me how much she loved me. Pora, I suggest that you are firm with your mother and don't tell her everything about your relationship with your gf. Good Luck!

Reply to Britty
Posted by: just me | 2006/11/02

My first husband was a mommy's boy, they are looking for a new mommy to take over from his first one.... don't get caught, you will end up serving him hand and foot.

My son ( my first husband's son) is being groomed to be a good husband, he is 12 and can cook, clean and take responsibility for his chores.

I will probably also be touchy as to who he marries, however I will not expect her to be his servant.

Reply to just me
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/02

Now that's a bit old, he's a mommy's boy and will expect you to do whatever his mother did for him.

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Pora | 2006/11/02

Your BF is old ebough and does not need consent from his mother, how long you guys been dating for and was it like this from the beginning?

Reply to Pora
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/02

dont you think that the fact that he still lives with is mom at that age is a warning sign that he is just looking to replace her when he moves out.

Reply to kat
Posted by: katie | 2006/11/02

He is 27 and lives at home with his mother

Reply to katie
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/02

Oh, don't know how to explain it, but when my boy grow up, I would want the best for him. Not that I say you're not the best for your guy, but.... ja... well, mothers just feel different towards their sons, than their daughters, because their daughters will always visit more and blah blah blah, but when their sons get girlfriends... well, that's when you know you will not see your son that often!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Pora | 2006/11/02

Thats exactly what im doing, i have my own place but it still hurts, how old is your BF?

Reply to Pora
Posted by: katie | 2006/11/02

Im in the same boat - just the other way around. My BF's mother does not accept me. Why can you guys just not tell your mothers to stay out of your business? If you love a girl and you want to be with her what is the problem, why do you need your mothers approval ?

Reply to katie
Posted by: Pora | 2006/11/02

Hi Katie

I would like to know that as well,im currently having problems with my mother not accepting my GF and im 28 years old. Portuguese family

Reply to Pora

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