Our expert says:
She is being unreasonable. Adult visirots, indeed, should keep to the house rules when visiting --- but the greater vulnerability and lack of self-protective skills of an infant or young child, by far over-ride that otherwise general principle. It is NOT acceptable to refuse to even faintly inconvenience herself in ways thatg would enhance the safety of your child. And she sees any tiredness on your part as "all in your head" ( where else should one feel tiredness ?) --- but not her own ? Don't feel guilty. Apparently she has few if any motherly or protective skills, and may simply not be someone uyou can ever rely on to be motherly towards you or your children.
I like anon's idea of "adopt-a-gran" --- I think more programs to facilitate that would be a great idea, as there are also many skilled and loving grans around, with no children to be a granny to. And as anon says, accept her as you find her, rather than exhausting yourself by expecting more than she can deliver.
For once I disagree with Buzz, and also with dove --- there are real limits to how much one can reasonably expect from a kid of 16 months, especially just to accomodate a selfish old woman. That sort of policy too readily becomes one of "the kid must learn not to tought dangerous objects --- or die".
And I like Britty's idea, of concentrating on your mom visiting you and the kid(s) in your own safer and organized home, rather than you visiting her in hers
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