Posted by: Helpless | 2009/01/21

Mom driving me crazy

please help me? we' re 5 children. my mom and her husband(my step dad) had a fight and it' s not the first one. each time they fight she moves out and stay with one of us. the minute she moves in she starts being rude. she shout at our kids she always wants to sit with the remote and watch her programs. she has a way of farting while we' re all sitting together and laugh about it without excusing her self. she use vulgar language in front of my kids of which the little one picks up a lot of words. and when she and her husband reconcile she does not even thank us when she leaves. she just packs up and go back to him behind our backs and return when they have another fight. my one sister asked her to leave then she treaten to commit suicide and she' s been threatening us with this since we where kids but never had an attempt. she now moved in with me and my 2 children and her behaviour just continue she even discuss our private life’ s and problems with the rest of the family and her colleges at work. I am suffering from bipolar 2 and am really struggling to cope with this situation at the moment. it also affect my 16yr old she always complained about her granny shouting of farting or swearing. how can I asked my mom to leave without her being bitter ?

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Our expert says:
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She sounds like a real nightmare guest. She should be advised to seek marriage counselling or individual counselling, and told firmly that she is not welcome to make repeated suddetn visits and to behave badly --- when she is a guest in your home, she should be thoughtul and helpful, and not so selfish and rude. And she must be told to be very cautious about her bad behaviour in from of the kids, and that if she is not careful about it, she will not be welcome to visit at all. And if she shows no gratitude, then you will conclude that the visit is of no value to her, and she may as well not come. Tell her that if she feels distressed, she should see a shrink for her own benefit, but her threats of suicide will not be tolerated or accepted as a basis for emotional blackmail. Give her a set of rules she must obey while in your home ( and only staying for a defined maximum duration ) --- and if she doesn't care to keep to the rules, then she must find somewhere else to stay. She can't check into a hotel and assume she can do anything she fancies while there, without being asked to leave

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