Posted by: Sue | 2004/10/18

Minipulative Sister

My best friend is my sister. She is 14 months older than me and although we were not close when young now that we are "mature" we are very close. I can talk to her about anything and we chat on the phone a few times a week as she does not stay in the same city - she is married to a younger guy who is quite wealthy. I see her good side and aware of her not so good side. i.e. minipulation.
One problem. My elderly Mom was staying on her own after my father died and the granny flat on my sister property became available and she offered it to my Mom who was thrilled, saying that instead of paying every increasing rent somewhere else my Mom could pay R2000 p.m. for life. Then my brother and I pay in R300 each to bring the rent up to what they would have got if they rented that flat out to someone else. We agreed because we were happy to see my mom there and realise that my sister has most of the responsibilty of my mom - who by the way at 84 still goes for art lessons and driver (probably not too well) she cooks for herself, organises my sister's gardener and feed the dogs etc. I just feel that they are ripping Mom off who pension was reduced and of course costs are going up. I would rather give my share directly to my Mom (who I give R200 p.m. to anyway) but my sister says this is what we all agreed on - she used some of the money that she put's into a seperate account for a holiday and of course lives extremely well. She is saying that it's her hubby(2nd hubby)house and she has no say. I say bs. Even with interest rates going down she didn't reduce it. She is quick to phone if we miss a payment. I spoke to her once but thought it not worth ruining our relationship over and yet I am angry because I want my Mom to be able to have that extra money for a holiday or whatever. I guess I think differently but it is causing resentment in me. shall i just cough up and let my mom cough up too>>>> Help.

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Our expert says:
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She sounds very mercenary and greedy to me, as newly rich people very often are. I wonder what our other readers might think are appropriate responses here, other than to try to discuss it with her. As you describe it, she has guessed at what she might get in a monthly rental, and, with the input of you and your brother, would be earning fully and controbuting nothing towards her own mother's well-being, as well as enjoying her assistance with the garden, dogs, etc.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pinky | 2004/10/18

My parents live in a flatlet on my property and they dont pay a penny towards the bond (they only have a government pension each). I can barely feed my 2 kids but must say that if my parents could afford to contribute - even just with electricity - I would take the money. If I was pretty well off I doubt if I would charge them R2 000 per month. Thats alot of money to be charging a mom or dad. I have noticed that pretty well off people normally have this "edge" of greed in them to begin with. Its all about them and nothing else matters.

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