Posted by: A Nonny Mouse | 2008/05/26

Midlife Crisis?

I'm 45 years old and my husband is 54. We are very happily married (20 years), no kids, great sex life, no debt to speak of. In other words, a wonderful life! However, in the last year or so I've been very restless as I've always been very adventurous and like adrenalin generating sports. My husband is far more docile and will not attempt anything that raises the blood pressure. We have few friends and we also don't go out very often, preferring to stay at home enjoying each other's company. I've tried to analyse why I've been so restless and after many sleepless nights, I've come to realise that I've lived half my life and I haven't done very many of the things I wanted to do or that I love doing. I thought that if I waited for awhile that the feelings would pass, but they've just intensified.

I'm in the process of purchasing a motorbike for practical and sport reasons and also getting involved with motorsport, which involves speed and danger - the things that get me excited. This of course does not sit well with my husband who says "me or the bike". I love him dearly and don't want to have to choose, but if I don't do this now I know that it will cause me to start blaming him for my frustrations, which I don't want to do. He doesn't "get" why people get hooked on the adrenalin rush.

I do understand that he worries about me and that he wants me to be around for a very long time, but the other sport I do is also dangerous and has a very real chance of hurting me or even killing me. I'm trying to get across to him that he cannot protect me from life OR death and that if I'm going to die, whether in a car accident, a hi-jacking or a heart attack in my bed, die I will - our time is written.

Now, if it's "just a crisis" I'm going through, will it blow over or should I make myself happy and do these things and stand the chance of losing him? The danger with the last option of course is that I'll sit in my rocking chair one day and say "I should have" and blame him for not doing it.

Thanks for a great forum!

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Our expert says:
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Hey nonny nonny ! Well, life is, indeed, a condition with an ultimate 100 % fatality, but its clear that one's risk of dying early is increased by taking part in dangerous activities. And the trouble with biks and some similar activities, is NOT the risk of death, but the risk of spending the rest of one's life severely disabled, which is far more limiting than a rocking chair with regrets.
But yes, these do sound like some of the features of a mid-life crisis. How about going for a REAL adrenaline rush, and setting up a few sessions of mariage counselling ! :} It would be useful, perhaps, to explore this situation more fully, and to negotiate possible different solutions to it. Maybe there are some less dangerous but similarly thrilling activities, such as bungee jumping, etc ? Maybe there are some you could share ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2008/05/26

Yes this is a Midlife Crisis!!!

Why do something Drastic, and in the same breath you are willing to loose your husband!!! Is it all worth it???

Go do some bungee jumping to get rid of your adrenalin rush!

Getting a bike is not a good idea, I have got a young friend (25) that is paralized neck down due to bikes, One of our other friend little girls fell of a 4wheeler, she is 14, she had to start everything (reading, eating, writing est from start) like they had a baby again, My mother in law had slipped disc's in her back due to humps on tracks (4 wheelers) another friends boy of 10's whole foot got ripped off by the chain! Really why go looking for trouble!

I think you should really listen to your husband, he loves and care's about you and you want to reward him in taking the bike and loosing him.

Reply to Anon

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