Our expert says:
I wonder sometimes whether, if an adolescent son ( or daughter ) DOES seem to be making life easy, one just has to be missing something !
Midlife crisis is not an illness, nor any recognized disease. It's a popular label for a common situation to which different men and women respond in different ways, and it is ABSOLUTELY NOT any excuse for misbehaving.
Maybe he has been "unhappy" or to some degree dissatisfied, perhaps mainly with himself and his choices, for 7 years --- but it's not good enough as an excuse, either, as he ought to have told you about that and taken reasonable steps to work things out.
When he refuses to take part in joint counselling, on the specious grounds that "it will not work" that's rather feeble. As you say, he cannot posibly know whether or not it will work unless he both takes part AND makes a sincere and serious efort to see that it does work. If he's implying that your relationship isn't worth some time and effort to try to put things right, then he's making himself a major part of the problem, rather than a part of the solution.
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