Posted by: sep | 2004/09/29

middle-aged and losing control of own behaviour

Hi, my husband, now well into middle age, has always been a bit of a domineering type, and has in the past, eg. punched a hole in a door when the kids were fighting too much, driven his car over and smashed a little truck when a kid left it in the driveway once too often, smashed a torch against the wall when it wouldn't work. I was at these times quite disgusted and said so but he blamed others for his anger. NOW HE GETS ANGRY VERY MUCH MORE QUICKLY AND SEEMS TO LOSE CONTROL OF HIMSELF, SWEARING (WHICH HE DIDN'T DO BEFORE) AND SHOUTING AT MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY WHO ANGER HIM, USUALLY BECAUSE OF A MISUNDERSTANDING AS HE DOESN'T COMMUNICATE VERY WELL LaTELY- HE LETS HALF-FORMED THOUGHTS OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND SAYS SOME NASTY THINGS OR ELSE TELLS PEOPLE THINGS INACCURATELY RESULTING IN THEM REACTING NOT THE WAY HED WANT. He also does things more impulsively without thinking them through first and has made some purchasing mistakes. He also keyed the car of a person who parked him in- I find this shocking, but he always justifies his behaviour by blaming others. I'd love to secretly dose him with something like prozac as he doesn't believe he needs help. What do you think?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi sep,
Surprised our other readers haven't responded here, yet. So your husband has severe problems with controlling his anger. That's treatable, by an expert shrink, but first, of course, he needs to recognize that this IS a problem and that he needs help for it. As you seem to be describing this as if it is getting worse recently --- has he had any significant brain injury ? Has he been drinking fairly heavily ? Has he been developing a broader illness, like Depression or Anxiety Disorder ? Secretly dosing him is (a) impractical, (b) illegal, and (c) doesn't work.

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