Posted by: Natalie | 2010/05/11

Middel grounds with the Ex

I have been divorced 3 years and my ex has re-married and had a new baby in January this year. What puzzles me is that he cannot find a middle ground for our relationship. It''s either a hate or love relationship. When he arrived two weekends ago to pick up the little guy for a visit, i had to fight him off of me as he just wants a hug and kiss. WTF????? I have no emotional attachment to him anymore and i just want to be friends for the sake of our child. I realised that whenever i am friendly, he assumes i want to get involved with him again, even though he has a wife.
He is due to pick up our son again this weekend, but i am worried about it. He is putting me in a postition where i don''t want to be, and my son is witness to all of this. I am not involved in a relationship as I am still so wary of men after my bad experiences, so i don''t have any back up there. I need some advice on handling this uneasy situation.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hi Natalie,

You have a very healthy approach to the relationship you want to entertain with the father of your child and wanting to remain on friendly is the best thing you can offer your child. His behaviour is indeed unstable and has no boundaries.
It's important that you make your boundaries clear i.e that you want a friendly relationship for your son's sake and that is it. You can also remind him that he is married and it is not appropriate behaviour to have in front of your son.
If you feel that it may take some time before it "sinks" in it may a good idea to just ask a friend or a family over when there will be a pick up or perhaps start organising the pick ups in a neutral public place.
But the most important is, be clear with what you want to communicate and remain consistent and cordial.

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