Posted by: Confused | 2009/01/26

Mid life crisis?

I am 39 years old woman, mother of 2, according to other people attractive and looking much younger. I have been fairly happily married for 15 years and have known my husband for 21 years. I have, however, now, for the first time since I got married, developed a huge crush on another man, my daughter' s martial arts instructor who cannot be a day older than 22. I cannot say that it was " love"  at first sight, but the moment I saw this " boy" , I immediately felt attracted to him and, totally out of character, thinks about having sex with him constantly. I cannot concentrate on anything. I have a wonderful husband who adores me and will do anything to keep me happy. I have always been a woman with exceptional moral values and cannot understand why and how I can be totally besotted with a 22 year old man! How do I get over this? I dont think this boy is the type to have affairs with married woman, and who knows if he even notices me, but if I do get the chance, I will probably do something stupid. I constantly have the feeling that I have missed out on things in my life and feels as if I am not living and the feeling I have now just excites me so much! Please give me advice!

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Our expert says:
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Lust at first sight. See a personal counsellor to explore why this sudden and unrealistic / unhelpful attraction so gripped you, and how to avoid taking it any further. And what is called a mid life crisis does often include foolish acting out based on regret at things one feels one missed out on earlier in life.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Confused | 2009/01/27

You are absolutely right and I thank you for your brutal honesty. I know I will eventually wake up and smell the coffee! Your reference to " drooling"  made me laugh hysterically and made me realise that I am acting like a teenagers and I should just get over it.

Reply to Confused
Posted by: slr | 2009/01/27

get a grip and see what you are willing to throw away.

here i am at 44, single, never married, lonely, would love to have a regular have it all but are drooling over a kid.

you are spoilt. wake up. appreciate the wonderful gifts of having loved ones in your life.

Reply to slr
Posted by: J | 2009/01/27

Well, as you might be aware of, at 40 you are at your best

Reply to J
Posted by: Confused | 2009/01/26

Thanks for the advice. What worries me is that this is the first time in 21 years that I am actually attracted to another man. I cannot complain about a lack of attention at home, so why am I looking for attention and/or exitement from someone else and someone so young? And yes, although I found it extremely funny, I realise that my daughter will be extremely embarrassed! She will never know how her mother feels, I' m very good at hiding my emotions!

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Anon | 2009/01/26

Just imagine how embarresed your daughter would be!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Hope* | 2009/01/26

Don' t do anything stupid, confused. Its just a crush and will not last. Throughout life we will be attracted to others but that does not mean you have to act on it. I could be something you could regret for the rest of your life and the damage may be irreparable.

Reply to Hope*

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