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Question
Posted by: Cindy | 2004/02/03

Met my boyfriend when he was married

I met my boyfriend 2 and a half years ago. He was in an unhappy marriage and was going out like a single guy. I was living with a my ex boyfriend but I was unhappy too. One night I went out with the girls, met him and we started seeing each other. It was an emotional roller coaster! He divorced 1 year and 8months later. He is 29 no kids. Because he was marrried at the time he tried to tell me not to go out and we argued like mad. One night I went out, he was there with his best friend, I got so drunkI kissed his best friend and he saw me. We now live in Australia and he still has not told his family or friends about me. Its been almost three years and when I want to talk about it we always argue. I say 'But you were married at the time!'. Now I dont go out with my girlfriend because he hates it when I drink and doesnt trust me. We always argue about the same thing!

Are we waisting our time?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Cindy,
SOunds like you could well be wasting your time. There are always at least 2 stories behind any marital breakup, and there could begood reasons why his wife broke up wih him, and you might be finding the same problems yourself in your relationship with him. He sounds far too overcontrolling, fussing about your getting together with your girl friend, fussing about whether you went out with anyone else while he was married, and especially keeping his relationship with you, a secret.
If a friend of yours described a situation like this, to you --- would you really advise her to continue with that relationship ? Or to end it ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: volcano | 2004/02/03

Did some Enlish writer not say that when you marry your mistress, you create a vacancy?

Reply to volcano
Posted by: Soul | 2004/02/03

Hi

It sounds to like he has something to hide. If evertime you bring it up and he doesn't want to discuss it there is definately a problem. Find out what the problem is and deal with it and if he doesn't want to then it looks to me like there is no relationship and no future for the two of you.

Take Care
Soul

Reply to Soul
Posted by: zzzz | 2004/02/03

Thats what happen when you build your happines on someone elses unhappiness (his x wife) ... fine maybe he was'nt happy but that is no reason to have an "affair" you should have waited until he was divorced... but anyhow, I dont think that you can trust him if he did it before what makes you think he won't do it to you....but I dont want to judge you or anything al I am saying is.....think clearly about the situation do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who you had an "affair" with, can you really trust him..GOOD LUCK..

Reply to zzzz
Posted by: Cindy | 2004/02/03


Its true. I feel at the moment that we are just a lie. My whole family knows about him. Met him etc. But he is taking forever to tell his? Its makes me feel crap. Not only that, he always accuses me of lying? I asked him calmly when or does he even want to tell his family. He gets all angry and shout. Like he would rather sweep everything under the carpet. It really gets to me.! And hes so jeolous.! If my girlfriend asks me to go out I have to tell her I cant. Make and excuse because I know the argument that we will have.

Reply to Cindy
Posted by: volcano | 2004/02/03

Does seeing married people ever work out? Either it's distrust or you have to lie about when you started seeing each other, etc. Get out of this relationship and start over with some unattached person with whom you can build a future.

Reply to volcano
Posted by: Valerie | 2004/02/03

I gues so. If he really loves why can't he tell everybody that he has someone in his life?. I think you can be better off without this selfish man who to me would never forgive or forget. Aurgeing every now and then will never do you any good. Good luck pal In your endovours to seek help.

Reply to Valerie

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