Posted by: M | 2005/07/19

Messed up family (long)

I have recently noticed things with my siblings that I can see in myself aswell. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister, i am the youngest (21).

I have been dealing with SO many mental challenges for the past few years.
No self esteem, lack of confidence, no people skills, negative thinking all the time etc etc.
I started getting violent when I couldn't express myself - even hitting my hubby :0( Slamming doors and anything that will slam.
I realised that I had a problem and am now trying to rectify all that went wrong so I can be a better person and wife.

Maybe it is because I have realised I have a problem, that I have noticed things about my family?...
... My oldest brother is going thru a divorce now - he seems to just keep everything inside all the time. He talks to my other brother alot - but Im not sure that he even tells him everything?

My sister's hubby was recently away for 2weeks - she is used to having him around all the time. She was SO depressed while he was away. Balling her eyes out just about every day, she really couldn't cope without him there.
Surely that is not normal - there seems to be no stability or logical reasoning?

My other brother I can see a huge change in him in the past year or 2? He is now getting violent - i guess like i was - throwing things, breaking doors cellphones etc etc. Fighting all the time with his wife - no self control.

We are all very emotional people.

We were brought up in a very Christian home - christian morals and values etc. Now its really just my sister that is still VERY religious. We are also all intelligent people i think. And we are a very close family.
My mom is very quiet though, never stood up to my dad. My parents NEVER fought as far as i can remember.
I could never be open with them. I always felt like I would let them down if i did anything they would not approve of.
But they never ever said anything bad. They were encouraging and loving and supported us to the extremes!
They emigrated 2 years ago - and everything seemed to get screwed up then?
Maybe it just seems that way - because alot has changed since then - i got married and we all have our own families etc etc. So things were bound to change.

Is there something obviously missing in our lives to make us unstable?
It maybe feels like we weren't prepared for the stresses of life - like we were too protected maybe? Because life is SO Stressful - money especially

Some advice please?

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like you ( maybe other family menbers too, but that's their affair ) would benefit at least from some good counselling, to learn better ways to identify and handle the stresses of life, and to deal with matters of self-esteem and confidence.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2005/07/19

I think that you need some life-skills training. A therapist will definitely be able to help you with that. Some things that are covered are conflict management, living a balanced lifestyle, improving your self-esteem, stress management, time management etc. Its skills that not everyone are taught by their parents - probably because the parents don't know either, but are vital to the stressful and hectic lives that we live today.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/07/19

hi there

i think a person needs more than a fine brain to survive today, you need people skills or as we say, you need to be streetwise

you parents did the best they knew how and all have the potential to have great lives and cope in stressful situations
i think communication and self esteem should be something we work on and learn, today it's impossible to cope if you don't have those skills

we are teaching our kids this today but they might need something totally different when they are adults, would that make us bad parents? no each person have to take repsonsibility for this life, just like you did and grow from there, i must say woman are more eager to work thru things and most christians i know will hide behind their religion before that stand up and face life

you can only lead by example, nothing you can do will make them want to change, it's something that happens from the inside

no matter where we come from, you can still steer your life into a better direction


Reply to lady nina

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