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Posted by: Siesa | 2004/01/17

Messed up big time - now what???

Hi there,
I wrote in about two or three months ago asking readers for their advice on my seemingly rocky relationship. Well, after a lot of arguing with myself, my girlfriend and I broke up. Actually, I told her to leave. It's now about one month later, and I am really feeling like horse .... ! I have, because of various other reasons, been receiving professional help to sort out my mind, but I would still like to know from the readers... I screwed up big time with my ex - drinking, lying, occasional drugs, lying, ignoring her, and just being plain selfish. I thought that I was being the one in the relationship being taken advantage of by means of her trying to "boss me around" and telling me how to live me life. So, I broke up with her.
Now, being depressed and on anti-depros for a while, and being alone, I have had a lot of time on my hands to think about what happened during the last three & half years and I have realised that I screwed up. I think that I have made a mistake and would like to rectify things with her. I am truly sorry for what I have done and I want her back. I really love this girl and I am willing to do anything in my power to straighten myself out and get her back.
How? What can I do? Please help. I am desperate...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Siesa,
firstly, unless you have finally given up all those bad habits ( lying, cheating, drugs, etc ) don't go back to her --- she's already had more than she deserves or needs of that. Secondly, these ae isues which it is really important for you to discuss with your personal shrink --- it's never useful to withhold part o what's bothering you, from your shrink.
Thirdly, it seems to me you may be conflating two issues. One is yes, you probably do owe her an apology, and you might both feel better if you were able to give her one ( maybe even in writing ) ; separate is the issue of whether you two ought to get back together. It might be much easier, even if you have both learned valuable lessons, to get things right the next time round, in relationships with new people, than to get back together with a strong risk of repeating old bad habits.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Siesa | 2004/01/21

To "I'm with stupid" & the Cybershrink,
Thank you very much for your input. It helps a lot when you have honest, life-experienced people replying. It's going to be difficult any which way I may choose, but if the Lord has destined us to be together, or maybe not to be together, it will happen the way that He choses it. Myself, on the other hand, will do my best not to fcuk it up again.
Thanks a mill!!

Siesa.

Reply to Siesa
Posted by: I'm with stupid | 2004/01/17

You stupid stupid man! What is wrong with you guys anyway? Why do men have this thing about having to be the boss all the time? The only thing you can do is BEG my boy, BEG for forgiveness!!! From what it sounds like you may have realised your mistake & you may be truly sorry for it too, But going back & apologising now (or everytime you mess up) doesn't mean that everything will be ok. The first thing you need to do is ask yourself WHY are you REALLY going back? Are you lonely? Is it just easier than finding someone else? Unless you have kicked those sh*tty habits (Lying, cheating, Drinking & drugs) You can forget about going back to her. All you are going to do is make both her & yourself miserable!

The only thing I can suggest to get her back is maybe a letter (Like a poem) Telling her to meet you somewhere familiar to you both (A place you always used to go as a couple-say there is a park near your/her house-call it "the place where the children play"-not just "the park"-PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT) at a certain time & say that if she shows up then you can talk about giving it a second chance & if she doesn't then you won't bother her again. Use imagry like "star crossed lovers" & soulmates, don't use her name or your name when addressing her or yourself in the letter-use names of characters from your favourite movie that you watched together. Believe me-if you put ALOT of effort into it, it works!
Good luck- Don't fcuk it up this time.

Reply to I'm with stupid

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