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Question
Posted by: David | 2004/10/19

Messed up

im am a 15 year old boy who is gay and has an obession with circumcision. nobody knows im gay i hate myself for being gay.

i also have fights with my father every hour he by now proberly hates me.

my world doesnt seem to ever go the way i want it to go and i hate it i suck at everything i look ugly and everybody just uses me

now i ask all u people out there what is there to live for

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear David,
Talk about this, to whatever extent is practical, with your parents. Maybe with your mother, if you're locked into conflict with your dad at present. Ask to be referred to see a GP, making it clear that you're feeling very unhappy and mixed up, and need help in sorting things out. Talk about this frankly with the GP, and ask him / her to refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist, who can work with you to help you understand this phase of turmoil and to find a happier way of accepting yourself and finding your way in the world.
And read and think carefully about the excellent advice given by our other readers.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sybrand | 2004/10/20

Hi David

Ok lets break this down - U have a problem with circumcision Why ?

We all have fights with are perants its part of life I can remember that there was a time where I did not even speak to my dad we lived sepreate live but time heals all.

Dont hate yourself for being gay be happy straight men wil envy you because women love having gay friends. You cant fall pregnate when u'r in matric. You will have good fasion sence ( that come with the package ). There are thousands of very sucsesfull gay people out there be one of them.

You are still very young and have louds to learn and experiance. Threre is just one Golden rule play with somone your own size STAY AWAY FROM OLDER MEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
they are bad news they will only use u.

Best of luck with life I know its hard to be gay but one day u will wake up and say I love my life.

Regards,
Sybrand.

Reply to Sybrand
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/20

Hi there,
You are young and life has many surprises ahead for you. I must add that when I was your age I wanted to end it as well but I am now 35 and still going, not always happy but still going. Being gay is not a terrible thing, there are lots of people out there that are living successful lives being gay, do not hate yourself, accept it, embrace who you are in essence because each one of us is special in some way and perhaps because this is a difficult time for you, there is a purpose and it will be revealed when you are ready. I know it is trying for you but believe me if I could survive my teenage years, so can you, I was sexually abused every single day of my live, from the age of 12 to the age of 17, I had reason not to want to live but I did and sometimes I hate live but sometimes there are moments so special that it makes it worthwhile. I have my down days and you will have them too but know that there is some good out there, sometimes difficult to find, sometimes it takes long before you find it, but it is there and you need to live to find it. Again I will say embrace life and live for the moments......
Take Care and Good luck.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/10/20

start by taking long look into the mirror every morning - Concentrate on what you like about your self - start there and carry on - write down all your strong points, your talents, your strengths, you will see that even if you thinka bout bad things you are unique and yes there a hell of allot to live for.
Your family, friends maybe even a pet.
Take care of your self, your health, your heart and keep your spirits up.
We were all created for a purpose in this life you might not know it right now but you have a profound effect on many peoples lives.
Take care - your'e special

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/20

So many 15 year olds gay or not, have these feelings of inadequacy that you describe, and tension with parents is also common place.
There are many gay men out there living wonderful, successful lives, and who are respected for the people they are.
Parents generally have these fights with their children because they feel strongly about something, and they only want they believe is best for their children. Sometimes they are wrong, and sometimes they are right - but the intention is often based on love and caring.
There is so much to live for. The world doesn't continue in the same way as it is when you are 15. Concentrate on your studies and building good friendships, and before you know it, school is over and you're entering a new phase of your life.
Life doesn't always go the way we want it, especially when we have to answer to parents, but know that life is not always going to be the way it is.
Don't hate yourself for being gay. It's the way you are, and with time you will learn how to handle this situation.
Counselling will help you to come to terms with this, and also explore ways to improve your self esteem, and to build a better relationship with your dad.
Don't give up on life. You've only had 15 years - not even a 1/4 of your life has gone by.
Hang in there and let us know how things are going.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Straycat | 2004/10/20

You r still young, and have a full, happy, exciting, life ahead of you... Picture yourself in a situation you want to be in... 1 month, 1 year, 2 weeks... make plans, do it..
the cool thing about your life is that you can change it............

GB :)

Reply to Straycat
Posted by: Margie | 2004/10/19

I was raped when I was 10. My sister, who was 16 years old, looked on and laughed. When I was 16 I ran away with a man 17 years my age, he told me he was infertile, I was pregnant 2 months later. I am the proud mother of, amongst others, a 20 year old heroine addict, and three toddlers aged 2, 4 and 5. There are days when I want to go out and gas myself. There are days when I want to get blind drunk. Have you ever imagined as a sweet young gay guy what three toddlers that age make you want to do when they all cry out together. I am trying to tell you that each of us suffers and each one feels that they are hurting more than the other and, yes, your parents are (maybe) disappointed in you. They would also have (maybe) been disappointed if you had flunked matric, shot heroine or made your neighbour's daughter pregnant. Parents are made to feel either glad or disappointed. They prepare us for married life! Please go on and when things seem down think of us who have suffered as well and remember this ... I do not know whether I would prefer a gay son or a heroine-addicted one - the livelier one would be my favourite!

Reply to Margie

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