Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/18

mental me!

Hello doc. I have many many many issues in life and I just want someone to giude me into the right direction, maybe give some advise.
I' m not a stupid person and yet I make stupid life disicions. I do not like who I am and to describe myself is scary. I' m in my early 30' s, have low self esteem, lack confidence, depressed, angry, sad, tearful, cannot see the good in life, complain all the time, hate the way my life has turned out so far, memory issues (forget things, noticed a change in memory in primary school) moody, don' t like being alone, trust, jealousy, don' t feel sympathy for others. When my feelings are hurt it' s like the end of the world and yes I' m a very good manipulative master mind. My star sign (Aquarius says no-one will ever know who I really am, well, I don' t know who I am) the list goes on..... Anyway, there seems to be a " mental"  issue pasted on in the family, my aunt (maths teacher / computer programmer) had issues and suffered from depression (no one knew) and she landed up committing suicide, my other aunt (insurance broker / housewife) tried over dosisng on pills (3 times) and they were both not stupid people..... help me sort out my feelings and thoughts, before I loose it like them. Sometimes I feel I could be a psyco lunitic and other days I' m a normal day to day person. What the hell is wrong with me??? What do I do to get a grip on things. I' m not suicidal but i sure have issues. I do not have money to see a therapist so what can I do?

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Our expert says:
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Some of the cleverest people I know make stupid decisions. And clever isn't the same as wise. I saw Mbeki as possibly the cleverest guy to ever run SA, but one of the least wise.
Fortunately, if you don't like who you are, you can change much of that, especially as regards behaviour and attitides. With appropriate CBT and other counselling help. And the way you describe the problem sounds like a clar invitation for CBT. Your aunts were no stupid at all, though their actions were unwise, especiall if they had not sought expert help for their depressions. With such a family history there is an increased risk of developing depression --- not inevitable, but more than in a uniformly happy family. That you are in good control sometimes, proves that you CAN be in good control.
Now, money to see a therapist. Firstly, take into account the cost of NOT seeing a therapist. Then explore options --- what's available through your nearest major state hospital, medical school Dept of Psychology & Psychiatry ? Call Lifeline and your local branch of the Depression & Aniety Support Group ( numbers on this page ) to see if there are other economical services within reach.

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