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Question
Posted by: mommy | 2004/02/16

men behaving badly

Hi doc , trust you are well , let me get to the point straight away , I have been married for 7 years and have two lovely children , the problem is that my husband is always teasing me about my weight , I am about 8kg over weight , NOT SO BAD right? but it is getting such a big thing that my oldest child (5) also starts with me whenever there is a slimming ad on tv he would say stuff like mommy you should try this (maybe he is trying to help me becuase he can see his father is teasing me)I do not want to become a diet fanatic or anyting but have already to dat bought 3 diffrent types of slimming aids ?? on my husbands side he has two sisters (both so slender you could actualy see there rib gaces) but that is just how his whole family is build , I am constintly thinking on a Monday o.k this is it , I want to loose weight but by wednesday failed , not picking up wieght but buying myself a chocolate milky or what ever , please advise as HOW I CAN PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE THE NEXT TIME HE MAKES A SLOPPY REMARK - as I think this is starting to affect our sexual relationship to

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Our expert says:
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Dear mommy,
Relax. Your instincts are right. Quite apart from the problem of obesity, which includes a major gain of weight over someone's usual weight, we all vary fairly widely in what our normal weight is, at which our body functions normally. And you don't sound especially overweight. In the same way, maybe in your husband's family, the women like his sisters, are thinner than usual, and they'd probably not be happy if someone kept nagging at them to gain weight. There's no specific health benefit, where someone usual weight is slightly above or below those statisical averages, in forcing the body down to the average. it'd make no sense, just because your intelligence is probably a bit above average, to try to bring it down, would there ?
OK, if you would feel better in yourself for losing a little weight ( and it's probably anxiety about this that has pushed you towards more of those chocolate bars ) then consult my neighbour Dietdoc, and work on a sensible program that suits you, to lose a little weight, if you choose to. Similarly, a little more exercise would probably help --- ask your husband to sponsor and pay for your membership to a good gym --- let him put his money where his mouth has been !
Is your husband at all over-weight ? Or did he inherit the slim genes of his family ? Maybe try changing the family meals towards a more slimming menu, which he might not appreciate, but then you can remind him that he was always nagging you about how important it was to lose some weight, and you can't be expected to do it entirely on your own !
I suspect all of the "diet" aids on sale without prescriptions are largely or entirely quackery, as I've seen no good evidence that they actually help. If you decide you need to lose weight, concentrae on sensible diet and sensible exercise, without wasting money on supplements and remedies which cost the earth, and could only make you lose weight by costing so much that you can't afford much food !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Angie | 2004/02/16

Hi there mommy.

Sorry to hear that your husband is being so insensitive toward your feelings.
Have you tried speaking to him about what he is doing, making you feel, and how your child is now picking up on his digusting behaviour???
Maybe he doesnt even realise that he is offending you, so try speaking to him and tell him its affecting you emotionally.
He married you for better or for worse.
Take it easy and dont beat yourself up bout it.If you are happy then your hubby should just accept that, if you arent happy however then id say you should start getting serious and maybe even start weight watchers. They are very good and you can eat what you like as long as it doesnt exceed your daily points and its easy to follow.

Good Luck!!

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