Posted by: lee | 2009/02/23

men and a midlife crisis

my husband is a hard worker... he has always been responsible. we are like any other couple... we fight we make amends..etc
we have 2 small children
i dont know if age has anything to do with it... he is turning 40 next year...
he wants to hang out with the guys... he is lying to me about his whereabouts... he wants to come and go as he wants to ..doesnt want to " report in"  if he is late.. if he is with his pals and drinks too much..he wants to sleep over and not feel that he has to go home
i told me he want to meet other people...male or female... he wants get involved in new things that do not include me or the kids

basically if i dont allow it he has threated divorce....
what can i do.... how can i help him thru it... i have thought maybe he is having an affair... and suddenly this has been brought on..
i am very confused

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Our expert says:
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He is indeed a bit oldm to start adolescence. Personal counselling for him, and perhaps marriage counselling for both of you, might be wise

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Our users say:
Posted by: hey! | 2009/02/23

Hey! suggesting divorce is bad advice! to him about what your both going through..... something must have triggered his recent behaviour....

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Posted by: Divorced | 2009/02/23

It is not as easy as just " getting a divorce"  It is hel!!!

It sounds like my situation 3 years ago and it trurned out he was having an affair and his friends was covering for him.

But, go for councelling, go for a romatic holiday, do whatever to save your marriage. Divorce must be your absolute last option because it is the worst thing you can ever put yourself and your children through. Also make sure that you have no regrets if it happens, no if I only tried this or that could we have saved the marriage.

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Posted by: Sympathy | 2009/02/23

Much sympathy. I think you will have to take a long hard look at your relationshjp with this man and when you do, you will find that he has in fact fallen out of love with you. He clearly disrespects you. Sorry, I know that facing this is difficult and unpleasant, but its a fact. Once he starts wanting his own time etc etc he is telling you he does not love you. No one who loves another would ever do these things he is doing to you. You want to be with the love of your life as much as you can. Yes there are times when one may go out with the guys or in your case with the girls, but its not a fixed arrangement, its just now and then when someting special crops up. Why don' t you jump the gun first and institute divorce proceedings ? You know that is where you are going to end up at the end of the day, and you will be the stronger for it. He won' t change. Then he can have all the free time he wants and believe me, he will not be a happy camper, that' s for sure. He is simply being immature and a bastard to boot. Get rid of him, you will at least have peace of mind and that is what its all about.

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