Posted by: Sad | 2005/12/13

Meeting rapist after 17 yrs

I do not know what to say or how to say it. But now lately I have met the guy who raped me 17 yrs ago. I feel so empty inside once I see him, I had put what happened to me behind me for so many years, I have 2 kids and somehow its like when I see him he does not frighten me like he used to and he is aware of that.

But somehow I get this chilling feeling that he might do the same thing to my kids just to hurt me, or for me to be afraid of him like I used to.

I see him almost 3 times a week when I go to my parents. What do I do, how do I make these feeling to go away.

Oh I hate rapists so much cause they make us victims to feel empty inside or miss something.

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Our expert says:
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Your reactions are very understandable --- and don't expect remorse from such a moster. But why do you have to keep seeing him, and what is he doing at your parents place ? Haven't you told them about what happened, and that it is appalling for you to see them entertain this rapist ? Maybe he needs to get the message that he should go away and stay away, and that any attempt to harass you or your children will lead to a court application for an order forbidding him to contact any of you in any way at all.

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Our users say:
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

I understand, I really do.

sadly this has to haunt you still. But you have a life and children to show that he did not destroy your life, and you probably have a much better life than he has, or ever will have. You have triumphed over this idiot, and hats a damn good thing to be roud of, and to be able to walk tall down the street with, knowing that what ever he did to you, it has not destroyed your life.

In fact, if anything, it has probably changed your life in such a way that you can look at your life with incredible ride, and look at your children with pride too!

Well done, and instead of fearing this idiot, look down on him with pity for being such a useless waste of energy to sociaty, and himself.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Sad | 2005/12/13

F-I-O -

I did not report the rape cause in those years back you come back home and tell your parent that you have been raped then you would be told that you went out looking for it. So I had to leave with this all these years, and I was OK up until I met this monster and that brought back all the bad memories. I wish he can go back to the hell hole he has been in. And honestly I cannot tell anyone. But anyway thanks I managed to share my feeling with you. All I have to do is to be more careful.


Reply to Sad
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

Then I'll echo sentiments by others - did you report the rape, and can you get a restraining order against him for your protection?

This highlights the importance of all victims of rape making an effort to report the rape. Its not always easy, especially when you're a child, but at some stage these people must be made to account for their actions.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Sad | 2005/12/13

Not that he is at my parent house, he stays the same street as my parents house, so on route to them I pass where he stays.

Reply to Sad
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

SAD, this i sone I cannot comment on, other than wish you all the strength you need to pull you through.

I suppose what you would need from him is to see some sort of remorse from him, get some sort of apology, because he stole something from you, didn't care, and probably still doesn't.

But maybe he does care, maybe he is sorry, maybe he doesn't know how to apporoach you for reconciliation so you can close this chapter.

Unfortunately I do not know enough about the incident and circumstances, but you need peace of mind and closure, some understanding of his current mindset which will help you put things to rest and rid you of your fears, or at least empower your to handle the current situation effectively.

I dont think he would do the same things to your kids to hurt you, I dont know of rapists who rape to hurt others. I may be wrong though.

Anyway, I wish you could chat with this person to get closure, if thats possible??

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Ruby | 2005/12/13

Why do you see him? Is he a family memebr or friend?

I definitly think you should keep your children away from him, but I still fail to see why your parents have him in their home?

Did you ever report him to the police?

Reply to Ruby

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