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Posted by: Chameleon_boy | 2007/05/31

Maturity in relationship

Hey guys, this is just me lamenting again,

Tommorow is me and my bf's 14month anniversary and looking back i can almost laugh at the silly things i have done... such as asking him to marry me just to prove to him i love him :-) and then the fights we had... the little sh!tty things we fought about and the big things we didnt fight about and just actually discussed like we were supposed to.

He may be ten years older than i am, but i am much older (emotionally :() than my peers... and the bad things of the past just made our love for each other stronger... the problems we faced together and the problems we faced individually but together...

i cant imagine my life without him and i love him soooo much...

I wish that one day i can share this with my family and my friends... and i wish from the bottom of my heart that all of us here and there are blessed with love, health, wealth and prosperity.

All my love to all!!!

Chamboy XXX

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hello again Chamboy and thanks for this post. And CONGRATS on the 14-month anniversary :) Well done to you both.

A thought: what factors do you think have contributed to your being so keen to please everyone around you?

A question: what pisses you off, drives you nuts, irritates your pants off?

A challenge: I get a sense that beneath all of this there's a part of you that's ranting and raving, enraged, angry, scared, insecure, vulnerable, lashing out but oh! so afraid of rejection....

A request: I'm probably way off the mark here CB but I'd like to hear your honest feedback.




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Our users say:
Posted by: Chameleon_boy | 2007/06/02

Hey expert,

Since i was young, i have been pushed to be the best - in other word if you fail you are not good enough. Now i am like that... like a little puppy that just says - please like me... oh please dont push me away....

I cant explain why but i MUST be liked. If i say or do something that pisses you off, even if i was right in saying or doing, then ill rather apologise not to get you ticked off again... i hate conflict...

Hmmm, what pisses me off... imperfection due to the same reasons as above. If something i planned does not go the way it was planned then i get pissed off at myself cos it is my fault... and if you want to tell me something but i have to drag it out of you... that also ticks me off... another thing is if i made up my mind then i have put a lot of thought into it so dont try to change my mind... i over analyse EVERYTHING...

Ranting and raving! Definitly... and not at the people around me although they get some of it... its at myself...because i cant be who i am... i have finally made peace with the fact that i am gay,,, and nothing i do will change that... and i love my baby so much... and i get mad at myself and depressed when i cant join him in everything... when i cant be with him everytime he needs me. i cant be with him when i need him...
a shoulder to cry on...

Scared, yes, scared to death about the future cos what will happen? will my parents reject me when i do tell them i am gay? will my love become tired of me because we cant be together everytime we need each other?? i am scared of myself sometimes for what i feel when i am alone... depressed and sometimes suicidal... but i go on cos i dont want to hurt the people i love and the love of my life...

Vulnerable, i dont know, maybe i am stil vulnerable... naive, definitly, this is only my second gay relationship i am in... so i am vulnerable to what ever "fantasies" and pitfalls that might be so attractive is lying there waiting for me...

I do lash out... sometimes just to blow off steam and stress from work and everything i have already mentioned.

And afraid of rejection... definitly... i hate being rejected and yes it has happend before... i will rather cut off my fingers if i was given the choice between that and being pushed away... like i said... a little puppy: love me, like me oh please like me... if something goes wrong somewhere it MUST be my fault... what have i done wrong...

I hope this is helpful, cos for me it showed me a lot and i had to think a lot about this... like i said i over analyse everything and maybe it was just what i needed for a change... Thanks sir

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