Our expert says:
Rape is absolutely never acceptable nor something to be ignored, and ought to lead to criminal charges.
Now you say you feel you can't live without a rapist ? You find rape loveable ? You are assuming you would and could be happy with him, with no good basis for makin such an assumption.
Discuss this with your shrink ( the conditions you mention should be treated and supervised by a psychiatrist ) and take your time to decide what is truly best for you.
What you describe sounds very much more like dependency than actual love
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