Posted by: lilipot | 2009/08/17

Masculine pain during penetration

Recently I started a serious relationship. We are very in love and went to live together after a month of dating. I am 25 and he is 27.
He has not a lot of experience dating girls neither having sex. He lost his virginity at 18 with a whore without having so much pleasure.
He says that he experiences pain during intercourse when I move on the base of the penis and on the gland. I need to move in order to get clitoris stimulation and have an orgasm. He loses his erection after a few minutes of penetration saying that he does not have fun penetrating and feels or is afraid of the pain.
He has a particular way of getting excited: licking my noise (also inside) and introducing his finger in my anus.
He is getting more and more nervous each time that we have sex. I told him that we do not need to have sex everyday. I believe he is putting a lot of pressure on himself to satisfy me and started to become annoyed lately.
What can I do? Why does he has pain? Is it possible?
I wonder if the pain is real or it is just an excuse to stop intercourse.
How can I approach or start the conversation to help him?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Pain during penetration is uncommon in men, but this does not mean it does not occur. It is very difficult to know what is causing this given the limited information I have. On the one hand it may be that he has a physical problem that may require assessment by a specialist (e.g. urologist - particularly if there is a bend or 'break' in the penis shaft). On the other hand, it may be something to do with the position / pressure on his penis during sex. This requires more thorough understanding. Take his pain seriously - it is no fun experiencing pain during intimacy (and this is especially important when he has little other experience to compare it to!)

Try to listen very carefully to what he is saying about the pain and see if you can do anything to help reduce it. What positions are easier for him and which of these positions are pleasurable for you? It may be frustrating not being able to achieve an orgasm if you are very aroused, but this really ought not to be at his expense (ie. pain) - imagine if it were the other way around and he could only reach orgasm with thrusting that caused you pain...?

I'm not sure how his 'particular why of getting excited' is relevant to your question, but what I would suggest is that if you don't like this, ask him to be open to other options - have him focus on his sensations and try to stimulate him in other ways.

I would suggest that you approach him by telling him that you are worried about him and the pain, and that this naturally has implications for you/intimacy in the relationship. As I already said, take him seriously and listen carefully. Ask questions to try to understand as best you can and tell him that you want to try to help - if you can't do this alone, I suggest you contact a professional experienced in working with sexual problems. You can obtain the name of an appropriate professional from the South African Sexual Health Association (SASHA) helpline 0860 100 262.

For more information, go to the SASHA website :

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: JP | 2009/08/17

Sex is good even a virgin cannot do what your so called boyfriend is doing. He is hiding something i dont know. Take him to the doctor

Reply to JP
Posted by: Potlili | 2009/08/17

Sweety, my man complained about the same thing and guess what he was pushing on the other side, I will run if I were you

Reply to Potlili

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