Posted by: TK | 2009/02/05

Marrying someone with over 500 exs?

Hi everyone,

I need your advise, have been dating someone over 2yrs now. A wonderful, caring and very committed person. We share everything and there seems to be no secrets between us.

My problem, when we met we told each other abit about our pasts, during that time, I learnt that this person has had many encounters with different people, some long term relationships, some short, some one night stands and so on...

I am glad that I learnt a few things about my partner and their past, my only concern is that my partner has had about 500 different people that they have been with, at a personal level and this worries me alot. My partner says that they have changed and that all that was just part of growing up. We have discussed it and I have been assured that their is committment on their part. I can see the commitment and yes we are using protection especially in this day and time.

My concern is that this person is really the 1st person that I know that has been with so many people and even though I love my partner and is ready to get married, sometimes I wonder if they might not be doing something behind my back or might do it in the future as my partner did mention that they cheated on their exs before.

Note: My partner has never given me reason to believe he is cheating or would cheat and really I do trust him entirely.

Do you think I am being paranoid?


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Our expert says:
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How can someone with "500 Ex's" now have tranformed into someone totally committed and monogamous ? It really does sound highly unlikely. And you wouldn't be asking this question if you trusted him completely, but more because you want to but very reasonably feel uneasy.
How old is he --- has he in other ways really finished growing up, and is now fully mature ? How long have you known him ( i.e how long has he had to be able to reveal that he may not be entirely faithful ) ? How long, compared to this, did his longest previous relationships last ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Hayi suka | 2009/02/05

Do you really believe a possibility of 500 people. I mean really - wouldn' t you lose count on 50, at most 100. How can you count to 500 - unless he kept a list. Did he really mean 500 literally or just to imply LOTS.

Reply to Hayi suka
Posted by: rubber | 2009/02/05

insist on a condom

Reply to rubber
Posted by: jake | 2009/02/05

he has seen naked 500 people, did all of them yuck

i imagine if it was a woman .sucked 500 dks, i could not live with it, i can hardly imagine such a person but more than that the real question is ?

Why was he counting?

Reply to jake
Posted by: Bee | 2009/02/05

The real question here is: Can YOU live with the fact that he' s been with 500 people?

Reply to Bee
Posted by: Jordan | 2009/02/05

Hi there. I believe people can change. I also think that is part of growing up. We all make mistakes and realise at some point ' okay, I' ve lived, now time to settle down' . I don' t think you should worry. I have also been around, but now at 38 I feel that I could be faithfull and settle down. Now just to meet the right person.

Reply to Jordan
Posted by: Leopard that changed its spots | 2009/02/05

That fact that your partner acutally told you this, must mean something - he is open and wants no secrets between the two of you, he does not want to hide it from you for fear of it maybe being made known to you in some other way and then he would lose you (I mean then you would think that he is hiding things from you). He is hoping that you will not hold it against him and accept his plea that he has changed and wants to be with only you.

That said, give the relationship some more time to develop and deepen, so you can feel totally at ease by the time you decide to say ' I do' .

Reply to Leopard that changed its spots
Posted by: scorpio | 2009/02/05

All I can say is gosh.... he must be 100 year old.... how did he fit them all in???

Reply to scorpio
Posted by: us | 2009/02/05

I don' t see why he wouldn' t be committed to you. When I was in school I had alot of boyfriends (not quite 500+ but...) often dating 2 or 3 guys at the same time, it was fun and daring, waiting to see if I would get caught out. But once I met my husband I knew that he was the only one for me. I have known him for 12 years and we have been married for 10 and I have never cheated on him and never will. I love him and have comitted myself to him.

Reply to us
Posted by: XXX | 2009/02/05

There are 2 ways you can look at this -
1) Feel great that he has chosen you from his 500 conquests
2) Run a mile as he is clearly a player and it is unlikely he will stop playing the field.He might stop for awhile but at some point he will look for someone else again.
It is a tough that only you can make as you know him better than us.
Clearly you are at an increased risk than most so tread slowly and cautiously

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Stan | 2009/02/05

There is a saying that goes something like A Leopard Never changes it' s spots...
I don' t think once you have had all there great sexual experiences, you can now forget all that and fully commit to just ONE sex partner forever.
If he is that way inclined, he' s bound to have many more sexual partners to come.

Reply to Stan
Posted by: TK | 2009/02/05

Of Course we did have a lot of tests done, 1st was HIV, Herpes, and for most STDs.... and were all negative and good..... my question really is can someone change their past behaviour and never turn back there....


Reply to TK
Posted by: CHAR | 2009/02/05




Reply to CHAR

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