Posted by: JS | 2008/11/18

Married to a much older woman

Hi CS. I am married to an older woman. I am 27 and she is 44. I love her very much, but now she has started asking me questions about the future. She thinks that she is too old for me, and that when she is 60 then I will be only 43. And she feels terrible that I will never be able to have kids, because she cant have any more kids. Now this has started me asking myself questions about the future. Maybe I do want to have kids one day, and maybe I do want to be in a relationship with a woman my age. These questions that she has been asking me, is really affecting me and I dont know what to do. I love her very much and dont want to lose her, but on the other hand it would be nice to be normal and have kids with a woman my age. I am just so confused at the moment. Can you please help me and tell me what you think?

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Our expert says:
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I understand that she might worry about being too old for you --- but why is she worrying about it NOW, after marrying you ? Same goes for you --- why are you both thinking through these very reasonable questions NOW, rather than before the marriage ? Maybe some sessions with a marriage counsellor could help you both to clarify your thinking

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Our users say:
Posted by: Watlhanya | 2008/11/19

don' t listen to these people - they are mad - love this woman to the fullest - life is too short!!!!

Reply to Watlhanya
Posted by: Wish | 2008/11/19

If only I were u...I would gather the strength to leave her before its too late.What were u thinking sleeping with a woman who is old enough to be ur own mom?O bogale moshaaa!!!

Get a woman ur age,ppl will give u a few examples of ppl married who has a huge age difference but Im telling u,its just a few ppl out of zillions of ppl.

Reply to Wish
Posted by: ME | 2008/11/19

This situation is really difficult you know. Have you considered adoption maybe? I mean, you will treat the child as your own

Reply to ME
Posted by: Latoya | 2008/11/18

My take on this one was when they said age is just a number, they were not looking at it in a broader perspective.
Sometimes age is a cause for concern in some relationships, due to the difference in believes
When i fall in love i look into many things
1. will i be comfortable to introduce my partner to my family, friends and colleague, whether we like or not, umuntu ngu muntu nga bantu, we all want to be appreciated in what we do
2. do we believe in the same principles, socio economic etc
3. will i age with this man or what, imagine being a granny and you still good looking, will you still take me to functions with you or shopping?
those are the things one really need to look at them.
I once had a relationship with someone who was 6 years younger than me, i didn' t know about his age until when we started talking about when we finished tertiary
the kind of music he play was the music my son is playing, i am 36 he is 30, he invited me to go with him to Yfm bash, when my son was also going to that bash, those are the things that i really feel that when you fall in love look into the difference, 17 years gap is huge, this woman finished school before you were born, you know less about the struggles and a whole lot of things that she knows, you can' t share much.

Always tell yourself that AGE IS JUST A NUMBER, mara o ka se ratane le mme wa gago, that age is good enough to be your mother.

Reply to Latoya
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/11/18

when I was 22 I was in love with a man that was 40. He was previously married and had kids...He basically told he wouldnt want to have more kids. I knew it was wrong for me. I am glad I am with a man my own age now. I know my story doesnt compare to yours...but im just telling you you not alone.

Reply to almost mad

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