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Question
Posted by: Sweetie | 2008/06/19

Married: should I give into the crush???

I met a guy 2 week ago that I instantly had a thing for. I'm married for more than 5 yrs now, but it's such a troubled marriage that one would wonder why my husband and I are still together. He had an affair, his family can do whatever they please with our staff without him saying a word. His mom was swearing and shouting at me and what he did was after the incident he told me he wants a divorce. For 3 months he was saying I have an app with the lawyers next week, i"m really serious and later he changed his mind. And later we found out he was hiv +ve. I Love my husband but I think what he did to me with this divorce incident killed some of the love I had for him.
Now I met this guy whom I felt when he entered the room, he said hi and think I have a big crush on him...should I give in into the crush or resist it. Really I don't have any reason why I should resist accept the fact that I'm still married. I really want to pick up the phone and call him. Og gosh what am I gonna do.
I was never in this situation before cause I always have a thing for my hubby now this guy has really swept me off my feet
It scares me cause the things I'm worried about now it's not my husband but how he'll receive me if I make that call.
Please help me, I'm going nuts. I really like this guy.
Pls Help!!
CS pls help!!



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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

One should never give in to a "thing", Sweetie. If you have a troubled marriage, either recruit your husband into marriage counselling and see if the troubles can be fixed, or plan a separation, but an affair, especially with someone much of whose attractiveness comes from NOT appearing to be part of the marriage problems, doesn't solve anything, and usually brings more grief all round. If he has been unfaithful and hostile, don't sink to his level. If he has become HIV+ through the afair, this endangers your life, that is monumentally selfish and uncaring of him, and adds to the groudns for potential divorce. And if he refuses counselling, that adds further to those groudns. Protect yourself
Remember, the main reason we caution about acting on crushes, especially on the rebound, isn't out of prudishness, but because when your current relationship is really unhappy, someone else who is even slightly kinder to you may seem exaggeratedly marvellous, and you seriously risk falling into a what will ultimately be a similarly misrable relationship. Take your time, and heal yourself, before deciding on any further relationship after this marriage

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Trodat | 2008/06/20

You married for heaven sake... its either you sort out your marriage or dirvorce your husband and stasrt afresh with a new man... The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Reply to Trodat
Posted by: Sweetie | 2008/06/20

Thank You for your kind words, I really needed that.
I've tested and thank God I'm negative.Hubby doesn't want to go for therapy and I don't know it's like we waiting for someone to decide or take action for us...I don't know if we are so used to each other or what? And I now wonder what if I was the one who was +ve will he still be around and supporting me.... Life is tough...
I'm thinking I should just be friends with my crush.Does that sound ok or what??

Reply to Sweetie
Posted by: Just another girl | 2008/06/19

There is absolutely no point or purpose in pursuing a "crush" unless you want to break up your marriage and no guarantee this other person will be around afterwards....also its better to first get a divorce before pursuing other possible partners. Do not complicate your life any more than it is, if you are unhappy, then you have two choices, try to work on the problems in your marriage, go for counselling or get a divorce, thats if there is no hope left and you both decide the marriage is over. 5 years is a very short period. What is important you mentione your husban ha an affair and is now hiv +....I hope you also had yourself tests and that you use precautions in the way of condoms with your husband!

By pursuing some other man while you are still married is not going to solve your marital problems, in fact he opposite will happen, it will only cause more anguish, hurt and more problems. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Reply to Just another girl
Posted by: gobsmacked | 2008/06/19

two wrongs dont make a right. what your husband did shouldnt come into it at all. you made the choice to forgive him. his familys involvement also has nothing to do with the fact that you want someone else. you want someone, that is the bottom line. how do you expect someone to say yay or nay to your post. others cant carry the responsibility for your wants. if you really really want this guy, divorce your husband and go for it. just remember... the grass isnt always greener on the other side. just looks that way cos its well fertilized

Reply to gobsmacked

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