Our expert says:
Its sad that because society hasn't yet recognized that some people are born gay, and some are born bisexual, and it's no more their "fault" than being born heterosexual, people who find themselves with gay interests feel stigmatized and expect to be condemned, and feel the need to hide it.
You seem to feel very guilty, though you sound as though you have been bisexual, and capable of a sexual and emotional life with your wife as well as having gay interests, and as though you haven't really done anything wrong or intentionally hurtful to anyone else, and don't deserve to feel so guilty. However, the situation is obviously and understandably distressing to you and your wife, and help in sorting things out is adviseable.
You should see a gay-friendly shrink, both individually and together. And for some other, censorious readers, what we mean by gay-friendly isn't a therapist who is necessarily gay at all, but someone who is understanding and non-censorious and able to work with people with gay or bisexual problems without preaching or being unhelpfully judgemental.
Don't rush to be judgemental towards yourself, either. Take your time to work with such a therapist, not necessarily to confirm your gay / bi identity nor to insist on changing it, but to understand what you are by nature, and whether it is possible, as well it may be, to continue with a satisfactory marriage that preserves the love you have for your wife, and she for you, and which both of you have for your child.
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