Posted by: Nkoko | 2007/05/01

Married and very lonely

Hi All
I'm a really unhappy person, I'm still coping but I don't think I'll be able to cope forever.
I'm married with one child and the other on the way. My marital problems are galore, my husband is not available to me emotionally. We haven't been having sex for the the last 2 months or so, mainly because I'm pregnant and big and I can't move. All the other preggie position aren't working for us either. He's quite distant and sometimes he seems erritated by me. He's a quite person and we don't talk much. Lately I've developed this thing of musturbating a lot. I'm a stay home mom so I do it maybe once or twice daily. This is really worrying me cause I really don't wanna get hooked to anything. I think it's a way for me to take out my frustrations.
We try to talk about our problems sometimes but we not getting anywhere, I feel talking only creates more problems for us. I've been suggesting marital counselling and my husband is not interested. I'm really stressing, it would have been better if I was working cause atleast I'll have something different to focus on for 8/9 hrs a day.
Pls advice

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Our expert says:
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Hi Nkoko,
Masturbation is a perfectly reasonable activity, especially in this sort of situation, and is a great natural tranquillizer. I doubt that you'll get 'hooked into it". Some men handle their wife's pregnancy clumsily, and maybe you husband is one of those ; it's a shame he doesn't see that marriage counselling would help both of you, even if it's only you at this stage that feels there is anything wrong. Things will probably improve once the hormonal surges of pregnancy settle down, and you return to normal physically. But keep an eye out for possible Post-Natal Depression afterwards. Maybe if it is possible for you to see a personal counsellor that would help --- and you're so right about the lack of occupation giving you too much time to worry --- explore options to occupy yourself, whether reading, hobbies, friends, whatever

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