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Posted by: Mpho | 2007/02/20

MARRIAGE vs FAMILY vs STEPCHILD update

After all this raucus, my husband has somehow changed his attitude and expects that i must just have a change of heart. he sent himself an sms from my phone last week and on saturday he resend it to me like with accusations that i am having an affair. i am talking of someone who leaves me at home in the morning as early as 7am and arrived after midnite from a funeral. he tried to make an advance on me over the weekend which i refused. if i am having an affair as he claims what does he want with me. my mother in law wants to meet with me alone and talk, what! if my husband will listen to what i convey thru his mother and not to me directly when i utter my concerns to him, why bother!
as for my stepchild - who is 18yrs old, on friday he did not go school and when i arrived from work the sink was full of dishes he utilised during the day and realised during the evening that the dstv on tv1 had lost its connection - which was up for the second tv and it worked fine the previous day since i was the last to switch it off, why we are technicians and will try all sorts of things. on saturday morning i woke up around 8am and started with the washing only to find the 18yr old sitting in front of a compgame, his bedding not made and the toilet not flushed. i continued with the chores and left everything as it was since i feel it is utter stupidity to leave those things undone, especially at that age. i differed with my husband over his upbringing cos i believe in teaching children to be responsible from an early age. the stepchild was home whole friday til sunday and still the garden was not cleaned, i let the garden wilter since - i was being drained financially and otherwise, his father now sees reason to do everything himself instead of get him to do some chores. how do you encourage this tv language in front of children am talking like this there is a porn disk on top of the comp cpu - which i asked about and am getting no response. just yesterday i arrived home to a house opened and the keys dangling outside while the child was playing compgame. he is not willing to share his father with the 4yr old and enjoys it when the father is with him and ignoring the 4yr old but now the 4yr old is a go-getter when he demands attention he will get it.

just this morning my husband sent me an sms that he feels that he is forcing himself onto me. i feel i am not going to succumb to his demands and needs whilst mine are not been taken care of. he got paid and we still not have groceries in the house, i am living from hand to mouth. how do you bring an out of wedlock child into another household and not maintain him. he does nothing still cos even the municipality account is on arrangement and it is not his problem, why - the account is not in his name. the phone is off cos it could not be maintained as well, yet he can afford to have his son's family contact him there and can afford 2 cellphone contracts.
i am expected to be reasonable and understanding that things are getting right. how? he has not send an apology for the insults he hurled at me, for the kicks he put on me and not a word to show respect and concern of the household and i must just forget all that happened and look to a brighter future, i know it is towards my pay time - that is the brighter future and i am saying enough is enough - for how long am i going to be used and abused in the name of love and marriage.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The behaviour of the step-child is outrageous and unacceptable, and his father is a fool if he tolerates or encourages this. WOuldn't you be MUCH better off on your own ? You will continue to be used and abused so long as you allow them to continue to do so

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: truth | 2007/02/20

Dearest EXPERIENCE

Mpho's earnings have sweet nothing to do with the way she lives. She is obviously shouldering all of the financial burdens of the household and still has a 4yr old and herself to maintain. Need I say more or are you oblivious to the cost of living these days????

Reply to truth
Posted by: experience | 2007/02/20

Mpho, did you not say that you earn R20 000 or so per month in one of the postings you made previously?

how then do you live from hand to mouth?

Reply to experience
Posted by: Lauren Auder | 2007/02/20

At last a woman who stands up for herself! Your hubby is learning a very valuable lesson from this... just show him that he/ his fam and son cannot treat you the way they want. I for one think you are approachiing the situation correctly - dont be the 1 to bend ...let them bend to your demands.... u r worth it!

Stay strong!

Reply to Lauren Auder

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