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Question
Posted by: hubbie | 2004/11/10

marriage thing

I am not happy in my marriage and feel it is hard work. I am forever being accused of " not being a partner, being too quiet and withdrawn when visiting,being a crappy father." I feel guilty about working these long hours and when I have to spend time or money on myself. In the beginning of my marriage I was told I do not shape financially and compared to others. Now I have achieved financially more than them. When I go for counselling I get the impression I am the guilty one.
Once in a while my wife would phone me and threaten with suicide. I agree I could probably be a better father etc but feel too stretched. People say get somebody to help you. It is a tall order because than you are responsible looking after this person too.
I want out of this marriage but feel should I go into another relationship I will have one more person critisizing me. I do not really feel up to it anymore asI feel I let people down and everyone always have these expectancies of one. Are there happy marriages where both people accept one another for what they are without harping on faults?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

SOunds like you're actually doing rather well, but that your counsellor needs to buck up a bit and not make you feel like a guilty party. We could all be better, at least theoretically, than we are, but you're handling your burdens pretty well, and should be given some kudos for that.
There certainly are happy mariages of the sort you yearn for. Maybe one thing to try to take from counselling, is a better understanding of how you could avoid such situations in the future.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Q | 2004/11/10

Yes there are such unions but they are very far and in between. I whent through this and and came back for some more just my own fault. You see it is some times better to make the brake and then these complaining naging ans find out that you where not as bad as they thought and that you where more there than not. Once you are gone then they whant to cry!!! I f i where you look at your relationship and look at whar you realy whant and then make the brake or make an effort to heal your relationship. Note I did not say marrige but relationship!!!! I f she can do better let her go you desurve the best not this un thankfull person and next time she tretens with suicide tell her go for it, the cances are 99,5% that she will not do it and will just go into n self pitty stage!!! best of luck I know what you are going through!!!!

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