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Question
Posted by: Me | 2004/12/07

Marriage problems

hi Doc

My problem is my manipulating husband, or that is how i see him anyways.
he was brought up to believe that a wife should be obediant to her husband, but i now don't have a life of my own at all. Everything he says is law and I'm forced to do things I don't really want to, but if I object then I'm not "following the rules of marriage". Is this normal? Everytime there's some extra money left from the budget he buys himself something nice, saying its for both of us, but if i want something then I'm selfish. I was already told that this yaer there won't be enough money to buy me a nice Christmas and birthday present. Maybe it's because he bought himself a R20 000 present...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder who wrote those "rules of marriage" he's referring to -- a slave master a couple of hundred years ago ? Welcome to the 21st century --- I wonder whether your husband will find the courage to join us in the same century ? He sounds childish, greedy and selfish, and not fit to be anyone's husband. In a proper marriage, you shouldn't both be so aware of how much more he earns --- it ought to be seen as a shared budget, not something for him to lavish on himself. Maybe your own Christmas present for yourself should be to consult a divorce lawyer, and at least think about your options. Why would one want to stay married to a selfish child ?

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: CK | 2004/12/07

Hi Me, I dont know about not giving him SEX coz then he is going to go to get it somewhere else, and believe me you are not allowing him to do this, I am also married and my husband does the same thing as well and with us I earn twice as much and whenever there is money left he buys useless things becuase he doesnt have friends and his gadget keeps him busy, I remember when I was pregnant last year about to give birth he came home with a 74 cm TV on top of 2 54cm TV we have in the house.

He is responsible for buying food but ai am telling you sometimes he doest buy them and instead buy this useless things that he knows he can afford.

I have spoken to him countless times with no vain and beleive me I am very firm with him. But he does that, and manipulate the situation to his advantage, if I had to be honest with you money is the biggest issue in my marrriage.

You are not alone, my mother once told me that at least you see things that he is buying, its not like he is giving it to other women.

My point is Nono is advising you correctly. Men are dogs you dont give him sex he will get it somewhere else and it wont take him long to get someone to fool around with. NEVER USE SEX AS A WEAPON.

Reply to CK
Posted by: Nokt. | 2004/12/07

Did he use to buy you presents before? if so remind him of the nice things he used to do and tell him how much you miss that, if not maybe he is used to that and thinks that you are find without getting any presents let him know that its time you also receive nice things from him!...

As for the salary maybe you should start to spoil yourself first before doing anything else including buying groceries. I mean its your body and your efforts that make you earn that small salary,, use it to spoil yourself time and again so even if he dont buy you somethin you know that you will buy something for yourself...

What do yo'll think?

Reply to Nokt.
Posted by: Nono | 2004/12/07

be nasty to him as well, dont iron his shirts, dont give him sex do funny things to show that u r nothappy, i understands if he earns a lot, cook once a week so taht he starves, do things u know he will not like

Reply to Nono
Posted by: pheladi | 2004/12/07

Hallo me, don't be a playground girl, stand up and tell only the truth that u don't like what he's doing, how can he over rule nor over control, no no no no he must have boundaries and respect u also as the woman he sleeps with.

don't be a stupid mrs

Reply to pheladi
Posted by: Me | 2004/12/07

Maybe You're right Nono, do you think I should buy myself a nice present for Cristmas? The problem is that his salary is about 3X mine and i can't afford the nice stuff that he does.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Nono | 2004/12/07

Me is he not doing this bcos u r allowing him to, put your foot donw and put a stop to it all, if he plays selfish be selfish as well

Reply to Nono

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