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Question
Posted by: tinkerbell | 2007/04/03

Marriage blues

I was fortunate to stop work after my daughter was born and as she is now nearly 2 am going back to work. This was at my husbands insistence as he says I behave like a spoilt brat. I am actually quite glad to be going back to work and back to earning my own income. However, he also wants me to continue doing all his admin as he runs his own business and I will need to do this at night. When suggesting he consider employing someone part time to assist him with this, he lashed out saying that I do not support him and if that is the case I should forget all the luxuries I have enjoyed over the past 2 years whilst assisting him in his business. When I expressed concern as to the type of person he would employ as they will work from within our home unsupervised, he said since he pays the rent he will bring whomever he chooses into our home. Am I wrong to feel upset by his attitude? Am I wrong to think I cannot work a full day job, maintain responsibility for our home and child (even though we do have a full time maid and our daughter is in creche) and be responsible to manage his company's admin after hours?

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Our expert says:
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Maybe you should suggest to him that as you are now, at his suggestion, returning to commercial work,, you need to discuss what he will pay you to continue doing the work for his own business. WHy does he expect to benefit both ways ? He needs to recognize that a compromise is needed. You can't work a full-time job AND do the work for his company AND the household chores. If you're doing his admin, you'd need at best a part-time job, and someone to help with the chores --- maybe him ?
btdt raises an interesting thought, but as Jess says, whatever strains he has (a) he ought to be discussing with you anyway, and (b) they don't justify his imperial manner.

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Our users say:
Posted by: RMC | 2007/04/04

Btdt - are you mad? You think it is okay for this poor woman to basically work 2 jobs and be awife and mom?

Tinks, did your DH pay you at all while you were doing his admin?

Reply to RMC
Posted by: Joy | 2007/04/04

No man, mabye i just misread your post Tinkerbell, but your husband sounds very rude and disrespectul! He calls you a spoilt brat and throws the fact that he pays the rent into your face like you've done nothing to contribute to your household. Is your having stayed at home after your baby's birth, something both of you had decided and agreed on? And that you'd go back to work after the baby's 2 yrs old? It just seems like he's really irritated and angry with you about this. If it's something you agreed on, just remind him of this, and tell him, that regardless of the fact that he's the breadwinner, you are his wife and have the right to decide who is allowed in your home..or you guys should at least reach a compromise. Btdt, does have a point in that things can be tight right now financially and your husband is just keen on your getting back to work and still be able to have you as his PA, to avoid paying somebody else, adding to the financial strain.

Reply to Joy
Posted by: Jess | 2007/04/04

Btdt, how can you justify his behaviour with 'financial strain'? No ammount of financial strain gives a man the right to treat his wife like she has no say! I dont know if you are a man or a woman but you dont seem to know what you are talking about, so if you dont have decent advice, rather keep quiet

Reply to Jess
Posted by: btdt | 2007/04/04

Have you ever thought about the fact that it is not about you.

Maybe he is taking financial strain, or foresee some tough times ahead in the business, but do not know how to tell you?

Rather try to find out what the real reason is, than to just assume that you are the spill around which everything revolves

Reply to btdt
Posted by: Jess | 2007/04/04

Your husband sounds really selfish...you should definitely get a say as to who he brings into your home!! I have a little boy, work a full day job, dont have a maid so do all the cleaning myself, us woman are made that way, we can do many things at the same time and keep things afloat.....If you dont want a stranger in your home, that is your right!! Tell your husband to grow up

Reply to Jess

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