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Question
Posted by: hubbie | 2004/09/30

marriage

I want out of my marriage and cannot see any gain for myself. My wife weighs close to 120kg. I am not super cute either but somehow make an effort to keep fit and healthy. I feel I have heaped enough together and we both can retire in luxury even if we divorce. Because of my businesses I have very little time for myself. My day starts at 2h00 and ends at 18h30. I go home and gobble down food to be able to play with our son. He is cripple from a car accident and it takes work to keep his self esteem high. By about 20h00 I go to sleep. In between work on weekends I try and play with him. My wife goes to sleep than (probably because I irritate the hell out of her).
When I look at her I see fat. We went away the weekend with another couple. I have completed a very high risk and difficult project succesfully. I made a fair amount of money and despite this she tells the other couple she "told me not to do the project as she could see the difficulties".
I have a lot to be thankful for and do not like self pity. Despite this I feel miserable and a failure for wanting to get out of the marriage. When I speak to her about her weight I get comments like "you are ugly and cannot fix it, I am fat and can lose weight"
All I can think is that she views me as an idiot but for me there is nothing in the marriage. I do not know which way.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear hubbie,
I can hear that you're unhappy, and surely your wife is also unhappy. The lifestyle you describe may be productive financially and in terms of the succes of your undertakings, but doesn't sem to be providing enough happiness for either of you. Why not invest a small amount of money and a larger amount of time ( I know, the time is money, too ) in genuine marriage counselling, to see what can be worked out, for the benefit of all three of you ? Maybe you are both, also, having some difficulty in dealing with the sadness over the accident in which your child was so injured ? And maybe, in counselling, you can try a bargain, in which she will lose weight, as she has boasted that she can, and you will pay more attention to her and help her to feel better about herself

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Somy | 2004/09/30

I advise you guys to go for marriage counselling. Its not worth giving up on ur marriage coz of negetive comments u have against each other. Whether she is fat or not,,she is still the same woman u fell in love with sometime ago. This applies to her as well as he says u are ugly.

Please, guys work on ur marrriage be4 u oth regret what u are doing.

Reply to Somy
Posted by: Art | 2004/09/30

Hubbie, it is sad to see when people rip each other with negative comments, she is obvious jealous of your success I take it she is a house wife? therefore her own self esteem will be low and will want to ride on your back but not give you credit for your success this is why you see the fat and the person you once loved, there is only one person who can decide where you want to go you did it with the business venture and made a success do the same with your life take control of your destiny do not allow your wife to bring you down, you can assist her in many ways to help her to be a good wife but the bottom line is if she does not want to you will waste your energy, you need to get some form of counselling if you wish to try and make it work, should you not you need to get a good lawyer as I have seldom seen a divorce that was to any ones favour it is never a win win situation, as for your son keep on giving him the love you do the fruits you will reap in the joy he will give you.

Reply to Art

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