Posted by: married women | 2013/01/14

Marital problems

Hi ,i have been married for 2 years and i just cant seems to get things right,we are always fighting about the way i do things e.g.How i spend my money,how i want/love expensive things and to be honest i do love better things in life i sometimes setlle for what my husband can afford or what he wants even if it is not up to the standard i want.i earn a bit more than him when i suggest something i will suggest it based on what i can afford,all i want will be his approval ,then i will go and buy whatever i want,but i think he feels less of a man in the house because i am the one paying for all the big expenses in the house i.e the bond and the family car.I gave him an option to pay one of the bond and then we will share the other expenses but he said no.he pays all the bills electricity,buys groceries ,put fuels in the cars ,but he insists i don''t treat him like the man in the house.He started saying he feels like he is not of the same standard with me and he feels like he is delaying me to reach my goals because he doesn''t have a lot of money.I think its not because of me ,but when he looks at what other guys close to him are doing (they stay in double storey houses with their wifes and they earn well,he feels threatened knowing he cannot afford to have one.I think he is just insecure and it stating to irritate me and i just feel like i cant do this anymore.any advise is welcome.

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Our expert says:
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There are significant problems in the mariage if there is still a contentious issue about "MY money" from either side. How do you share expenses for the home ?
If you are earning more than he does, you need to be tactful, and though your way of handling things may be understandable, it could be very hurtful to his feelings, and he may experience this as disrespectful.
However you may think you ARE treating, clearly it feels to him as though he is not being respected as the man of the house.
You don't sound sympathetic or understanding of him. Why not make a really wise investment of time and money in some good mariage counselling to work out a better way of managing things between you ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: married women | 2013/01/15

Thanks DD for understanding where i am coming from and trust me i know most women are going through the same problem,a friend of mine also went through the same problem with her husband.some women even go to an extent of giving their husbands/partners their bank cards as a way of showing respect.

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Posted by: DD | 2013/01/15

I understand exactly what you going through, Sometimes they make you feel bad about earning more than they do. My man insecurities are also geting to my nerves now. We try and help by paying for most of the bills in the house then they feel you dont respect them or you think less of them.

Reply to DD
Posted by: married women | 2013/01/14

Thanks for the advise.We have tried counselling before and he didn''t seem interested.he kept on saying its a waste of money.I do try to understand where he is coming from ,but i just cant seems to get it right.

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