Posted by: Me | 2005/11/25

marital breakdown, totally confused

i am in a marriage that started out extremely well, we grew up together and got maried, then something went teribly wrong, now we cant see eye to eye at all. he left me with our daughter several times and each time he returned i foolishly took him back. he's back now, and he was apologetic (as usual) but i dont see the transformation for very long - he goes out every night, clings on to his cell phone whenever he's at home, comes back no later than 2:30am almost five days in a week. i am thinking of moving out now because the physical and emotional abuse are affecting me terribly, our daughter has seen too much and i think its unfair for her. i have found a place to move to and i think at this point am ready to move out, my problem however is the conflicting info i keep getting from my friends, some say i should go and others say i should hang in a bit longer - things will get better. as i have made the descision , there is obviously a number of fears in me, i am afraid of being alone - but then again, i'm still alone even though we appear to be in the same house, i am afraid that my daughters questions about her father will torture me - as they always do - my poor daughter is so confused sometimes she cries for no apparent reason and i know she's mising her father, she even asked me once why her father doesnt want to come to our house! (now this is the home we are both living in, but he's so not there that my child even thinks he just comes to visit!) i know i've said a lot, there is so much i need to say, but cant put it down inwriting - i am totally drained and confused PLEASE HELP ME

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Apologies merely in words are meaningless, they have to be reflected in actual continuing behaviour, to be significant. From your description, I can't imagine what makes any of your friends feel so sue things will improve.
You're far better of being alone --- on your own, than being alone in a relationship. I dohbt that this sort of man would bother to join you in marriage counselling, as it sounds as though he runs his life purely so as to suit himself. But some personal counselling for you might help you to feel better, more confident, and to plan your improved future with more confidence

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