Posted by: Inconsolable | 2007/07/11

Maria and CS: update

Hi I'm just dropping by to say that the last 2 days have gone a bit better, I even managed to get some proper sleep last night which is a huge relieve. I have not heard from my ex-fiance (I still find that difficult to say...) for the last 2 days which probably has contributed to me being able to calm down a bit more. I am seeing him on Friday though to give him his stuff and get mine, or some of it at least. He is coming to my house. Not looking forward to it, I'm sure it's not going to be easy. My mom has phoned everyone from my side of the family to cancel the invitations. I'm leaving it up to him to do his side, maybe I'm being mean but I want to force him to start realizing I'm serious so either he'll have to tell them or go to a wedding on his own. Some anger has started to seep through which I'm sure is normal? I don't want to separate on bad terms, I'm not ready to have insults thrown around but I'm sick of being blamed for this. For a long time I sucked everything in and trying to change because he made me believe I was at fault but no longer, it is just not possible that all the problems was my fault and that I was always over sensitive, I won't and can't believe that anymore. I have to believe I made the right choice. At this stage I doubt that I'll even change my mind even if he comes up with a solution for his parents... Is this wrong of me? I just have this stubborn anger now that I gave him more than enough chances and he chose not to work on anything and blame me so why should i give him a chance again? It's not like he ever gave me any chances. I won't be made to feel guilty anymore. Okay I probably will but I'm trying not to because quite frankly I have had enough of being made to feel like I am useless and everything is my fault. I deserve to have some of my needs met as well, da mn it! Even if he thinks it's stupid. I tried to meet all his needs! Sorry guess the anger is coming out again. I just wanted to give an update since I saw that Maria asked how it was going.

Thank you again to both of you for your support and advice, I really appreciate it. This place has given me some refuge with all of this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Thanks for then update. It makes sense for him to do the cancelling of his side of folks invited. Some anger is indeed normal, and yet you're right that its wise not to let it dominate your contacts and any parting meeting, as it only sours everything for both of you. And if it's over, there's no point in any further arguing about blame. Never say never, but take your time about long-term decisions. Of course you always deserved to have your feelings taken seriously and your needs met. And its good that your self-respect and strength are now showing more clearly

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nicci | 2007/07/12

You should be very proud of yourself! Sounds like you've managed to stay stong in the most difficult of times when it could have been so easy to take the easy route and give it.

Reply to Nicci
Posted by: Inconsolable | 2007/07/11

Thank you Maria. It will just be me. I think I am prepared for it, I don't believe that I will change my mind again and I've told him now I don't want to go over everything again and again, we've discussed it and now we need to just drop it. I can't go around in these circles anymore, I'm just sick of it all now! I think it's good that I'm in a sort of screw-everyone-this-is-about-me-now mood. I don't like being that way but I think it will help me to overcome this next challenge. I also in a way want to see him to finalize this, to look him in the eye and say bye. I don't think it's going to be easy but I think it's a necessary step and maybe he'll see I'm serious then and let go so that I can move on and heal. We'll see, I'll probably cry my heart out to you again on friday night or Saturday but at least the process is moving on, for the first time I feel like I've got some control again. I don't know if that sounds silly or if I'm just trying to grasp at straws here. Whatever it is I don't care, it's helping me to concentrate on other things and at least I'm feeling some control again which is much better than I could say when this all started. I'm taking it day by day and today is a good day compared to the others, I can only hope now that tomorrow will be one too. I'm finding some comfort with the fact that I've made a decision now and it's not the whole process of "what now? what if? how? why?" etc anymore. At least I have made some progress. I'm not okay with this yet and I think that will take a while yet but I think for now I'm contend with at least accepting that it has happened and that it was most probably the right thing to do. I'll just have to wait and see how this continue to play out...

Reply to Inconsolable
Posted by: Maria | 2007/07/11

Hi Inc

I'm glad to hear things have been getting better. Don't second guess yourself now - you made a reasonable decision, you have every right to stick with it and get on with your life. I think the anger is a quite normal part of this process you are going through. Good luck for Friday. Are you going to be there by yourself or will you have some company? Don't let him sweet talk or abuse you.

All the best, and let us know how it went.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Inconsolable | 2007/07/11

Let me try this again. I believe this time I have the correct place. Just wanted to also say thank you CS for removing that other post of mine. Thanks.

Reply to Inconsolable

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