Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/04/13

Manipulative " friendship" 

I have a friend who I am beginning to realise is not really a friend.I am female he is male.The situation is this-I am the one who keeps in touch(long distance),sends sms' s,remembers his birthday,special events,asks after his health,family,buys gifts etc etc.He replies when he feels like it,moans if I sms too often,asks why I dont sms if I am quiet,ignores me when he feels like it.He very seldom asks about me or my family.The trouble is,we crossed the line and had an intimate relationship,and that has confused all the boundaries.He goes back and forth from calling me his lover,to when it suits him,we are just friends.

I know this is not even a friendship,let alone anything more.Trouble is,I want to know what is wrong with me-I give so much of myself,yet get treated like dirt.What is it about me that causes someone to treat me like this?Yes,I have faults,am probably irritating too,but this silent treatment and ignoring,eats at me.To the point it is affecting my health.

How do I settle this once and for all?If I was to tell him what I feel,as I have in the past,he just says I must do what makes me happy,because he never promised me anything.So do I just disappear out of his life and not say anything.

Ironically,he was the one who initiated the friendship,was so attentive in the beginning,and now....

I feel he is not worthy of my friendship,but I begin to doubt my own self worth when I get this treatment.Oh,and if he doesnt like me asking him something,he just says he refuses to answer that question,without saying why,or he tells me I' m controlling,when I ask him something out of genuine interest.

Yes,it' s all a mess,and I just need some objective advice.How can someone start off a friendship so keen and then after 3 years turn like this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why do you waste your time keeping in touch with this person ? He sounds selfish and manipulaive --- leave him behind and move on to someone who genuinely cares for you, and take your time in finding the right someone.
Don't wait to work out what's wrong with you ( a counsellor could help there ) before ending what's obviously wrong in this "relationship". Change your e-mail address and cell numbers and ignore him.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Dragon | 2009/04/14

I was in the same situation (but we were never intimate). I would SMS, phone, E-mail, invite him to parties I' m hosting, but I rarely got anything more than a 1 or 2 syllable reply, but if I stopped contact, I would get the " are you angry with me?"  messages.
So one day I decided that I' m worth more than someone' s Good Weather Friend. It' s been 2 years since we had contact and I' m much better off.

If you are not important enough to feature in his life, then you should just leave it. Simple as that.
Put on some red lipstick, lift your chin and find some new friends who are worth your love, time and attention!

Reply to Dragon
Posted by: Phil | 2009/04/13

You know what Anoynmous. Sometimes we know the answer, but can' t or won' t give it up. Sometimes we see that a person is not genuine, and treats us bad. But yet we worry and stay in that friendship. Most of us has done that before. Cut the ties, deal with the heartache. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be your old self. IT is a long and difficult road sometimes, but something one has to do to preserve YOURSELF. Good luck, you deserve more...

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/04/13

Nothing about this dude sounds either like friendship or a partner! dont berate yourself, it' s not about that,but it' s time you put some distance between this ' friend/lover'  and yourself!

you deserve better!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Garfield

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