Our expert says:
You raise two big issues here. The first refers to the status of your sexual relationship with your wife. It is evident that you are not happy with the present status of your sexual relationship, and possibly so too your wife. You do not say anything about the rest of your relationship with your wife. It is evident that you and your wife could benefit from couple counselling that will include an assessment of the sexual status of your marriage and the exploration of all the possible factors that could be contributing to it.
The second issue you raise alludes to sexual orientation. It is important to know that most human beings in essence are significantly more bi-sexual than exclusively 100% heterosexual or homosexual. So it is not uncommon for a person who for example is heterosexually identified and involved in a primary heterosexual relationship, to also engage in same sex sexual fantasies, and for some to engage in same sex encounters outside of their primary sexual relationship.
You will read more and more of "msm", meaning men who have sex with men. This is a category of men who do not identify as gay or homosexual, in fact many identify as heterosexual, but who engage in sexual fantasy and/or sexual encounters with men.
Many men, who are heterosexually identified and in heterosexual relationships, may have same sex fantasies and choose never to act on these fantasies for many various reasons.
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