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Question
Posted by: Paulina | 2004/03/03

Making me feel gulity

Hi there.just want to know if i'm going mad.
I am in a relationship for a year now and am truly happy and love the guy and can't imagine me with somebody else.
Recenlty one of my ex's who i still have contact with, who is also in a relationship, says he won't accept me get married, his girlfriend will never be me and he hopes we still have a chance, i was gum struck, never knew he felt like this and said your in a relationship how can you ever think that, and i'm truly happy in mine..No he's sms phoning me saying i'm being unfair??? I feel guilty cause i never want somebody to like me and still have feelings towards me, when i don't, don't think its right..Why do i feel like this and what the heck is he trying to do, he is 14 years older than me and quite wealthy, but i like him as a brother.
Hope you guys can give me some input

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Paulina,
Sorry, but you're not going mad at all. But you are falling for a line of rubbish from this self-centred guy. Your relatonship with him was, and is, OVER. Don't by the crock of spit he's selling you that you're somehow unfair to him because you didn't spend the year in a nunnery, waiting for him to change his mind. It's not your fault that he's being immature and silly. How he chooses to feel about you is his responsibility, not yours -- and you've done nothing in this year to influence it.
if I were you, I'd change my phone number, and tell him to stop calling --- that he left, you have gone on with your life and are very happy without him, and don't want or need him back in your life, but you wish him well in finding a new relationhip with anyone except you. Don't dither, which would only make it harder for both of you --- ake it clea that it's over, ans as they say in the rules of all competitions you might enter "No corespondence will be entered into about the results of the contest".

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Our users say:
Posted by: Didi | 2004/03/04

That's very unfair of him to ask you back. Surely, u must look happier...and can't he see that? End this friendship right now, it may put unnecessary pressure on your current relationship, and that's the last thing you need. He's trying to put you on a guilt-trip, just because you moved on with your life and he's stuck with someone he doesn't want & care about. NB: Tell your boyfriend immediately...before its too late and any explanations will be unacceptable to him, because you could've told him earlier.

Reply to Didi
Posted by: Sara | 2004/03/03

PPL WANT WHAT THEY CANT HAVE. wHEN MY EX FOUND OUT I WAS ENGAGED HE WANTED ME BACK.. HE WOULDNT LEAVE ME ALONE. i EVENTUALLY HAD TO GET MY FIANCE TO ASK HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE. hE GOT VERY MAD AT ME AND WE ENEDED UP ARGUING, NOW WE DONT SPEAK AND IM REALLY NOT BOTHERED. HE DIDNT LOVE ME AND I DIDNT LOVE HIM. IM SURE HES MUCH HAPPIER WITHOUT ME AS I AM WITHOUT HIM

Reply to Sara
Posted by: volcano | 2004/03/03

I agree with Jl, be firm and end the friendship. If you keep the 'friendship' going there will always be a channel through which this guy will keep on pestering you and it will get to a stage where it will be difficult to ask your current b/f for help as it would have gone on for quite a while and will cause all kinds of suspicions. Tell this guy how it is and that you will tell your b/f about it. If it appears that you are going to keep it a secret from your b/f, he will not let up. He's a big boy and will get over it.

Reply to volcano
Posted by: Jl | 2004/03/03

Hi
It's simple he's not over you and he probably started seeing her on the rebound and as is usually the case with rebounds found that she definately is not you. Sad for him.... he needs to respect the fact that you have moved on - do not let this man manipulate you emotionally, it is wrong and unfair.
Be as firm as possible when explaing this to him. Sometimes when you break up with someone being their friend gives them false hope.

Reply to Jl

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