Posted by: Annie | 2007/02/21

Made a mess of someone else's marriage

Can anyone please give some advice?

Over the weekend, I accidentally sent a rather suggestive sms, intended for my ex boyfriend, but in a thoughtless moment, I sent it to the wrong person. When I'd realised what I'd done, I wanted to die of embarrassment, because the recipient and I are "new friends". Now I can imagine you saying, so laugh it off and go on with life... well, the complication comes in that he is married, and his wife read the message! (Since we've met, I've tried to be friends with her, and while she's friendly, she's always kept me at a distance).

Anyway, I let this guy know that it wasn't intended for him, and he told me what had happened from his side. I tried explaining from my side, but it seems as though she does not believe me! Her husband is quite a flirty person, and I'm not sure of the facts, but she's not happy about the fact that we sms / e-mail each other. (Understandibly so). I've apologised, but she refuses to speak to me. I've gone so far as to delete her husband's telephone number, and am scared to even talk to him - I don't want to mess anything up any more than it already has been messed up by me.

Should I carry on trying to speak to her, or should I just leave it and let her speak to me on her own time?

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Our expert says:
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Its understandable that she would be suspicious. Leave it and let her speak to you in her own time, if she wishes to. And maybe can the communications with her husband, too.
I think people forget that while we value the ease of SMS and email, it becomes far too easy to write something hasty and foolish and send it off with a few clicks. At least in teh old days, when you had to find a pen, and a piece of paper, and an envelope, and a stamp, and then take it ou to post it --- you had far more opportunities to change your mind !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Honesty | 2007/02/21

Was the message not really intended for him - or are you feeling guily 'cause you got caught???

Reply to Honesty
Posted by: Grace | 2007/02/21

I hope you feel really bad about what you did - whether it be intentional or not - stay the hell away from married men - they are spoken for - would you like it if someone sent your boyfriend (sorry ex-boyfriend) hot and heavy sms and e-mails! I doubt it very much - a wedding ring actually means something - it's not just a piece of jewellery. Why do you have his number in the first place? Catch a wake up -when a man wants to sc###w around, he will always say that there are problems at home! How old are you anyway? How can you be so naive to believe that old and tired line anyway? You say he is a flirty type - can you then blame his poor wife for getting angry - how many times has she had to deal with this type of situation? Is this type of behaviour from your side maybe the reason why your boyfriend is now your ex-boyfriend? Leave married men alone - find your own man! I don't buy your story either!!

Reply to Grace
Posted by: P | 2007/02/21

If you know you sent it accidentally to him, and you have tried to tell her once that you are sorry and that it was not emant for him, then you have done your bit. It is embarrising, but these things happern so forget it, AND forget about him trying to make you feel bad about it. Just make sure you leave him alone.

Reply to P
Posted by: Lauren Auder | 2007/02/21

I dont buy your story 1 bit .... I think u really wanted to send this guy an sms cos u had the hots 4 him n when he did not reply u decided 2 do damage control and tell him that the sms was meant for your ex.... and thereby breaking up a marriage .....shame on you .... KARMA will get u ... just ask EARL

Reply to Lauren Auder
Posted by: X | 2007/02/21

has she phoned you? has she spoken t you or is it only something you heard through him? if the latter, then maybe he enjoyed whatever suggestive thing you said. he would like to take you up on it. he is just scared you may reject him because he is married. he is trying to come out that he liked it and it came at the right time when he needed something on the side because things were not that rosy at home anyway.

Reply to X
Posted by: Annie | 2007/02/21

If I were in her shoes, I'd completely want to beat me to a pulp! I feel so terrible about this whole situation. After all this happened, he told me that they've been having marital problems...and I'm sure this was just salt (and vinegar) in her wounds. I understand why she's reacting the way she is. And that's why I'm not sure if I should just step back and give her the space (I've apologised and explained, there's nothing I can say otherwise), or should I keep on trying to talk to her until she listens?

Reply to Annie
Posted by: Cofused | 2007/02/21

I think let her speak to you in her own time, that after she maybe realises that there was nothing going on between the 2 of you .....

shame, sorry man. (Next time make sure you check the number before sending)

Reply to Cofused
Posted by: J | 2007/02/21

Since it's your mistake, I suggest you try to speak to her. When you've done that and she's still not "coming around", you at least tried.
Just think of it this way: If you were in her shoes, what would you do? How would you feel?
Good luck anyway!

Reply to J

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