Posted by: anon4 2day | 2009/07/10


what is it with romantic novels and movies that draw us to want those circumstances , even though it will cause a lot of hurt if we act on our own wants. i have been a wife for under 10 years and both my children are under 10 and recently i have been battling to keep my thoughts pure. i find myself imagining myself with another and i feel guilty because its so enjoyable..
i have no reason for this.
i would never tell my hubby this he would be shattered.. but does love ever stay? or the feeling of being in love. i miss that. the butterflies and the need to be seen as someone interesting.
the sad thing is , i dont want that with my hubby.. i want that with someone totally different..hopefully i will snap out of this soon and be the wife i am supposed to be... but i am scared my thoughts lead to actions i will regret...but that alone is not even enough to motivate me towards my marriage.

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Our expert says:
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Maybe part of it is that some of us forget the difference between a novel or movie, where the author / director has complete control to bring it all to a happy or at least romantic ending before long, and real-life where the misery can be everlasting. The essential lement is recognizing the difference between fantasy and reality. Maybe you are experiencing some of what men do with their interest in pornography, exploring ome enjoyable "what-if" fantasies. So long as you do not think of turning those into reality. I can fantasize about how lovely it might be to be able to fly, and to soar above the mountain peaks, without being foolish enough to actually jump off a cliff to try it.
Butterflies are fun in the initial stages, but perhament butterfleies could be unpleasant. Why not consider proper marriage counselling with your husband, to re-invigorate the marriage ? Maybe some personal counselling, to sort out your own confusions, too ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: B | 2009/07/11

I think having those thoughts are normal. What I do do when they get out of hand is imagine the logical consequences. I imagine the looks on my kids face when I tell them they wont see their dad every day. The reaction of friends and family etc....and how disgusted I will feel when those butterflies stop flying and domesticity sets in yet again.... Kills that fantasy very quickly and help me appreciate my real but not perfect husband and I take a good look in the mirror and my grey hair and wrinkles and post children boobs remind me that I am not that much of a catch myself. Nothing like reality to put fantasy in perspective....

Reply to B
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/07/10

I know exactly what you are going throug, having the same problem, but just about one specific man. If you don' t control this, I can guarantee you your marriage will suffer. In my case, I know for a fact that nothing will ever come of the fantasy/ crush. One can only hope that it will, at some stage, go away and that life will return to normal. Not what you want, I know, but if you do act on it, will it be worth it?

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Julia | 2009/07/10

Hi Anon 4 c day - I just posted almost the exact same thing (post no 3575) I also feel this crazy lust, and those butterflies. I don' t know how to stop these thoughts!!!!

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Posted by: anon 4 2day | 2009/07/10

anonymous , how did you manage that? I think i am just feeling insecure and overwhelmed by all these conflicting feelings in me. i really am a skeptic when it comes to keeping the fire burning , i honestly dont think its possible. With life , stress , all that happening and add two energetic kids , there is VERY little time left for the two of you. I admire my husband and i do love him , but i cant say i trust him 100% and i think that is part of the problem.. do i want to fix this? To be truthful , no , i am enjoying my fantasies too much.. the hollow feeling in your tummy that reminds you you are alive and not just a vessel keeping everyone else alive. Why is wanting happiness often so wrong...

Reply to anon 4 2day
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/07/10

I was with my ex wife for 10 years and married for 7. In all that time not a day went by that I never thought of her, loved her deeply or lusted after her. My feelings for her just grew through the marriage. So for some of us its natural to keep the romance fire and love burning brightly...she never understood this and was part of the reason she left me.

But Im still that same person and my girlfriend is now benefiting from this and if we marry, for the rest of our lives I will make sure that fire continues to burn.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Ja | 2009/07/10

Everybody has that at some or other stage. Kill those thoughts before they get a foothold. Thats all you can do.
If you are religious - well thats where you have extra help.

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