Our expert says:
It sounds as if you know what you want but have not yet found a solution that satisfies you. If you are really concerned about your testosterone level - then by all means have another test and get a second opinion. If this test comes back normal, and I'm assuming other tests for things like diabetes and cardiovascular concerns will have been excluded, then it looks as if you are okay physically.
Given the available evidence to date, this then would lead us to look at issues of a more psychological nature. For example, the apparent necessity for you to have an erection to show interest in your wife. Whilst many people have this mindset, it sets up tremendous anxiety when 'performance' is under threat. This in turn results in a physiological state that will work against the natural flow of your sexual response (you will be watching to see if it's 'hard enough' or if you're going to 'loose it', rather than relaxing and enjoying the sensations).
Our bodies may also communicate something about how we are feeling in general or in our relationship - so if by any chance you feel unhappy or powerless (?emasculated for example) in other arenas, this may play itself out in the bed and your sexual response. Sounds weird, but many men experience such difficulties.
There are professionals who will take you seriously, why don't you contact the SASHA Helpline (0860 100 262) to obtain a referral to someone in your locality.
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