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Question
Posted by: Intenso | 2005/12/13

loving

why is it, that we humans find it so hard to love reckless and with total abandon. why is it we cannot leave the past in the past and not cloud a new love with an old experience? people say forgive and forget and yes the mind and years move on but the heart does not, or shall i say, the heart cannot forget, it lives in the shadow of past pain/pains and guards itself relentlessly, how then can one love more than ever or deeper than before (to coin a phrase) or are we all merely advertisements for our past and reflections of our pain?

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Our expert says:
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The onl;y way to successfully avoid being hurt in love, is to never ever love at all, and that would be a far greater hurt

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Our users say:
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/13

Sounds like you are coping a bit better, Whattodo. Keep strong.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Whattodo | 2005/12/13

Hey Frusty,

I'm ok thanks. How are you? I am extremely busy and preparing to go on leave. Thank God. Day by day is the how I am moving on. Progress is been made I think. Thanks for asking.

Intenso, the past will always be a part of us and it is what makes us human and moulds us. Obviously we must try not to make others mistakes that hurt us affect our core but we must learn to avoid making the same mistakes ourselves. Pain is definitely a reflection of ego as it is a reflection of everything that we are made of and the heart never forgets easily when it has been hurt however, we can take lessons from that hurt and obviously try to use them so as to avoid been hurt in the same way again but that doesn't mean we must not love as intensely. Just differently to the last times.

"love is suicide." Smashing Pumpkins

Reply to Whattodo
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

I hope so too! It may never, but if I give up dreaming, as with anything in life, then it surely has no chance of happening. I would rather live with unfulfilled dreams than live with no dreams at all.

Yes, I may never find that love. But I believe I will.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Intenso | 2005/12/13

Thats wonderful Figured It Out, something to live by and believe in, i hope love visits you in its grandest form!

Reply to Intenso
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

Absolutely, because I know how great love can be, and despite my kak, my past hurts, I will always pursue the magic of love, because it is so brilliant. And I will get it right oneday.

But the mistake many people make is to try get back the same kind of love. Why do that? It didn;t work once, so why want the same again? Look for new love, new feelings, a relationship that has all the good qualities of past relationships. There will always be compromises, but as you go through pains and hurt, you learn which things are really that important, and those which are not so important.

I will never stop believing in love, but at the same time I will not be desperate about it. How many people get into relationships in the hope that it might become love? It doesn't. Love, the chemistry, is there from the beginning, or its not. If its not there, dont chase it, because somewhere along the line someone will get hurt, unnecessarily.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Shakira | 2005/12/13

is the past mistakes not merely an indication of a bad choice? - Yes and no. Hurt is necessary when the wrong choice was made, because only a fool will make the same decision and repeat the pattern after experiencing hurt.
"the choice was wrong and not loving the way you can?" - It was loving the way you knew how at that particular time. Lessons (experienced through hurt) will shape and guide you for future fulfillment, provided you are willing to be taught.
"is pain not a reflection of the ego since loving someone does not guarantee they will love you back?" - Pain is due to expectations not being met. If there is no expectation, then there will be no hurt (or it will be less.) If you love someone romantically and is within the bounds of a romantic relationship, then love is a natural, non-negotiable expectation at that time, until there is parting of the 2 lovers.

Reply to Shakira
Posted by: Intneso | 2005/12/13

Figured it out - do you apply this to yourself? you have loved and been hurt, repeat, repeat and still willing to go the whole 9 yards??

Reply to Intneso
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

Love is love, even if held back. Fears hold it back, insecurities hold it back.

Past hurt is a combination of things, including bad choice. But you cannot be accountable for how someone loves you back. You loved the way you could, but the other person did not love back the way you needed them to love you. Doesn't mean they didn;t love you, just means the love was not right. Or maybe they didnp;t love you. Doesn;t really matter.

Pain is a reflection of the ego, and yes, loving someone does not mean they will love you back. So what?

But that doe snotmean you must cut yourself short and never love again, coz just maybe someone loves you loads, the way you want, but you hold back and refuse to love, and then the relationship falls apart. Always give your best, because if you dont, there is NO chance of ever getting what you need.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Intenso | 2005/12/13

love cannot be love if it is "held back"?? is the past mistakes not merely an indication of a bad choice? if yes then the choice was wrong and not loving the way you did or can? is pain not a reflection of the ego since loving someone does not guarantee they will love you back?

Reply to Intenso
Posted by: Shakira | 2005/12/13

Agreed, we are adverts of our past and reflections of our pain. Because with every event in our lives, there is a lesson (lessons) to be learned. Our willingness to educated by past events has a direct influence on our emotional and spiritual growth.
To forgive does not mean to forget, it means - to remember why you made the choice you made that lead to those incidences and how this specific event in your past contributed to your emotional strength and wisdom.

Reply to Shakira
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/13

Hey, Whattodo, how are you? Haven't seen you posting for quite a while. Everything okay?

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Whattodo | 2005/12/13

I agree with what FIO has said. The fact is that sometimes it is not wise to continuosly love with reckless abandoment over and over again without remembering what happened in the past. We need to learn lessons and remember them because if when we make a mistake and then continue to repeat the mistake just because we believe in the romantic notuion of all or nothing everytime we would destroy ourselves with pain. I speak from experience.

Reply to Whattodo
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

Nothing of value comes easy, or goes easy. If thing come and go so easy, they will never have value, and if they dont have value, whats the point of it all.

So, the fact hat you still hurt, still feel, take time to heal, shows you have a great heart, shows you value life, feelings, emotions. Not a bad quality.

The heart never forgets, it just files things away, and opens new files for new things. There is endless filing space in your heart for millions of things!

Yes, we are adverts of our past, and reflections of our pain. This what makes new spaces and new files, and allows for improvement.

Reply to figured it out

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